I pushed harder, the burn in my lungs a welcome relief. I turned the speed higher. The whir of the machine kicked up.
I kept going longer than I should’ve, but my usual outlet wasn’t working like it used to. After the accident, I’d needed these runs as much as I needed air. I’d ask Hayes or Hadley, sometimes even Shiloh, to sit with the twins as I took off to beat miles of pavement. Once they were home from the hospital, I’d purchased this treadmill, and it had been my only escape from the images and screams that haunted me.
It had worked for years. But the past nine months or so, I’d needed to push myself harder and farther to get even a fraction of the release I used to. It pissed me the hell off. I didn’t need much, but I needed this.
Hadley’s face flashed in my mind. She didn’t show fear often, but I’d seen it today. A flash across her beautiful face as the panic set in at her lack of options. I’d almost sent myself hurdling over the cliff after her without a harness.
My heart hammered my ribs, and it wasn’t because the run brought it out in me. It was the fear setting in at the truth. I’d almost lost her today. It didn’t matter that I’d kept her at arm’s length for the past four years. It didn’t matter that I hadn’t let myself come to terms with just how much I cared for my Little Daredevil. I knew the truth now.
If something happened to Hadley, I’d never be the same. And I would’ve wasted precious time pushing her away.
“Make me a bear, Dad,”Birdie urged.
“One bear, coming up. What about you, Buttercup?”
Sage took her time before answering. “A flower, please.”
I whisked the pancake batter, smoothing out all of the lumps. “You got it.”
The doorbell rang, and Birdie hopped off her stool at the kitchen bar. “I’ll get it.”
I grabbed her by the back of her sweatshirt, lifting her into the air. “Not so fast.”
She giggled as she made a swimming motion. “I’m nine. I can answer the door.”
“Not if you don’t know who it is, you can’t.”
Birdie rolled her eyes. Nine going on sixteen. “I’ll ask first.”
“Okay.” I set her down, and she charged forward.
“Who’s there?”
“I’ll give you three guesses,” Hadley called through the door.
Birdie threw open the door and launched herself at Hadley. “I was hoping it was you!”
Hadley caught her with an oomph and a wince. “Funny, I was hoping it wasyou.”
“You know I live here.”
“True, but you could’ve had other plans, and then I would’ve been sad that you weren’t home.”
“We’re always home on Saturday mornings. Right, Dad? It’s pancake time.”
Hadley’s expression went from gleeful to wary as she met my gaze. “Hey.”
I hated that I’d put that guardedness there. “Want to come in and have some pancakes?”
“Sure.” Hadley set Birdie down and made her way inside.
Sage appeared then. “I thought I heard your voice.”
“Hey, Goose.”
Sage moved to her with ease, folding into her arms. “Missed you.”
Hadley pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Missed you more.”