‘There’s something else I need to tell you...’ Ruby began to shred the tissue with her fingers.
Harper looked at her in horror. ‘You’re not...pregnant?’
Her friend had a mortal fear of getting pregnant, as her own mother had done, by a man who didn’t stand by her and refused to acknowledge or even meet his child because he was already married with a family. Harper had ended up in care from the age of eight, after her mother died by suicide. Although her father had promised to visit a few times after her mother’s death, he hadn’t followed through. And, unlike Ruby, Harper had never been chosen to live with a relative or reside with a permanent foster family.
‘Of course not,’ Ruby said. ‘It’s about the new owner of Rothwell Park.’
Harper’s eyes rounded even further. ‘Lucas is selling?’
‘It’s a done deal,’ Ruby said. ‘And you’ll never guess who’s bought it.’
The colour drained from Harper’s face and she gave a convulsive gulp. ‘Jack Livingstone?’
‘Yep. He’s going to turn it into one of his boutique hotels.’
‘Well, I can safely sayIwon’t ever be staying here again,’ Harper said with emphatic determination.
‘Nor will I,’ Ruby said, with a sigh of sadness that was bone-deep.
Lucas heard Ruby’s car leave before dawn the next day. He had lain awake most of the night at war with himself. One part of him had wanted to go to her, to tell her to stay, the other had wanted to push her away. It had been like revisiting the pain of his childhood, reliving the walking out of one or other of his parents and having to deal with the devastation of the other.
Watching the rollercoaster of emotions in the person left behind had left an indelible mark on him. He would not be like his mother, clawing at his father, begging him to stay, to give her one more chance. And he would not be like his father, who’d told his wife he loved her and then gone off and had affairs with younger women when his wife’s up-and-down moods wore him down.
Lucas knew he was doing the right thing for himself, let alone Ruby, by letting her go. He didn’t have the emotional hardware to maintain a long-term relationship. He wasn’t cut out to be the fairy tale knight who rode off into the sunset with his princess. It wasn’t fair to promise things he had no ability to give. It was better to let her go so she could find someone whocouldgive her those things: love, commitment, a family.
But...
He would miss Ruby. Deeply. He would miss her in so many ways—the sound of her pottering about the castle kitchen, the fresh flowery scent of her fragrance, the tinkling of her laugh, the warm press of her body against his. Oh, how he would miss the sweet curves of her body. The taste and feel of her, the intensity of her kiss and her touch.
A crippling ache seized his body with a pain so violent it took his breath away. Making love with her had been the most erotic, pleasurable and exciting experience—one he would never forget. Every moment was etched on his mind, on his body, on his senses.
Lucas was glad he was moving out of Rothwell Park. Staying here now would be too hard without Ruby. She brought life to the place, she lit up the dark corners, and she added colour to every room. Not a colour he could see, but one he could sense. She brought a lightening of the sombre atmosphere...a freshness that was like a summer breeze, blowing out the stale air of sadness that had clung to Rothwell Park for so long.
He was almost glad he couldn’t see Ruby drive away. He had watched his parents take turns leaving and each time it had been emotional torture, knowing he would have to pick up the pieces left behind.
But this time there was only himself to deal with, only his own emotions to handle. He still didn’t get why he was so angry. So bitterly disappointed that Ruby had ended their arrangement before he was ready.
Why hadn’t he been ready?
CHAPTER ELEVEN
One month later...
RUBYWASGLADwhen a rush of wedding bookings came in soon after she got back to London. Although the meticulous planning and organising of menus that involved didn’t entirely take her mind off Lucas, at least it distracted her.
But being around loved-up couples who were excitedly planning their upcoming weddings was a form of torture. Why couldn’t she be like them? Blissfully happy with the love of her life? If anything, she loved Lucas more than ever. How could that be? Was something wrong with her? She was supposed to be moving on with her life. A month had passed and yet she was still heartsore and lonely—moreheartsore andmorelonely than she had ever been. It was like being handed a grand prize and then realising it didn’t belong to you after all.
Lucas didn’t belong to her. He didn’t belong to anyone. He was an island, not unlike his own Greek one.Urgh.Why did she remind herself of those wonderful days on his gorgeous island? It was like rubbing salt into a wide, seeping wound. Would it ever heal? Or would she always feel this aching sense of loss for what might have been if only things had been different?
But how could things be different if Lucas couldn’t allow himself to love her? To love anyone? Or was it because she was unlovable? The old self-doubts plagued her—what if it washerthat was the problem? Harper was right—they were all Cinderella-types who didn’t belong in a rich man’s world. Lucas’s world had always been out of reach for Ruby. She had lived in it in a vicarious sense, on the fringe, but she had never truly belonged?
Love was supposed to conquer all, to bridge all gaps and chasms, but what hope did she have that Lucas could ever love her?
None. Zilch.Nada.
It reminded her of her childhood, of her gnawing relentless emotional hunger to be loved by her mother. But her mother, like Lucas, has been incapable of it. Some people locked away their hearts or were damaged so much that they shut down their emotions.
She would never know why her mother had never loved her, but she had to assure herself it wasn’t because of her—it was her mother’s issue.