And she had to accept that Lucas not loving her was not becauseshewas unlovable. Her gran loved her, her friends loved her—even her clients loved her.
Harper came into Ruby’s office with her camera bag slung over her shoulder. ‘How are you doing?’
Ruby painted a smile on her face. ‘I’m fine. Distracting myself with work. You know the drill.’
‘Yeah...’ Harper leaned down to put her bag on the floor and winced. ‘I certainly do.’
‘Are you okay?’
Harper straightened and rubbed a hand at the base of her spine. ‘I’ve got a nagging backache. I think lugging all that gear around is wrecking my spine.’
‘I have some paracetamol in my handbag.’
Harper sat gingerly in one of the client’s chairs in Ruby’s office. ‘I’ve already taken some and it did nothing.’
‘Maybe you should see a doctor? Or a physiotherapist?’
Harper shifted in her chair, obviously trying but failing to get comfortable. ‘Nah, I’ll be okay in a day or two. I probably need to lose a bit of weight and get a bit fitter—especially before I head to Paris in six weeks for the book shoot.’
Harper wasn’t one to crow about her achievements, but she had been selected to contribute to a coffee table book featuring the work of up-and-coming photographers.
She focussed her gaze on Ruby. ‘Speaking of weight, you look like you’ve lost a lot, and you’ve got dark circles under your eyes.’
Ruby sighed. ‘Yes, well... I don’t seem to have much appetite for anything just now. And I find it so hard to sleep.’
‘You miss him, huh?’
‘Like you wouldn’t believe.’
‘Has he contacted you?’
‘No.’
Harper shifted her head from side to side. ‘You have to move on, hon. You can’t let the end of one little fling get you down.’
‘I know, but I keep hoping I got it wrong about him...that he does love me after all.’ Ruby gave a self-deprecating grimace and added, ‘Remind me how many years I did that with my mother?’
Harper rolled her eyes. ‘You and me both.’
Lucas woke from yet another fitful sleep and opened his eyes. Something was different... The once vague outlines of his bedroom furniture had sharpened—not by much, but they were less blurry and amorphous.
He sat upright and rubbed at his eyes, squinting against the bright sunlight beaming through the windows of his London apartment. He threw off the bedcovers and padded over to the window. Even from his penthouse height, he could see more than he’d been able to see the day before. The stunning view should have lightened his spirits, but if anything it did the opposite.
What was a stunning view if you had no one to share it with?
He turned back to the bed and felt his chest tighten at the stark emptiness of his crumpled white sheets. He pictured Ruby in his bed and an ache gripped him deep in his gut. Maybe he shouldn’t have come to London. Maybe he should have gone back to his island. But going back there without Ruby would be too...difficult. And the thought of taking anyone else was unthinkable.
Would he have to sell the island? How else could he move on? He couldn’t allow himself to be haunted by memories of his time with Ruby. And it had been such a short time. When it came down to it, their fling had been one of his shortest.
Why, then, was he struggling to let her go?
Because he hadn’t wanted to let her go.
The realisation was like a zig-zagging bolt of lightning shooting through his brain. Of course he hadn’t wanted to let her go. She had been a part of his life for years, and when the end of their fling had come he had fought against it. Fought violently. Not wanting to accept he would never see her again.
He had closed his heart to love, closed his mind to emotion, never wanting to end up like his parents. And yet he was unable to move forward because he missed Ruby so much. He ached for her in every bone of his body. He searched for her in his dreams and he woke alone and lonely in his bed, his body yearning for her. He had mistaken his feelings for simple lust, but that was a lie. A blatant lie he had told himself to protect himself from vulnerability.
The physical intimacy he’d shared with Ruby had been wonderful, but it was their emotional connection that had taken it to the next level. That was why he hadn’t wanted their fling to end. He loved her with his body and his mind and his heart.