Unlike me.
When I found out that my sister was raped and decided to keep the kid, I couldn’t bring myself to accept it. Even when Kitty threatened to kick my ass, I just couldn’t let myself get attached. When I learned that Bullseye was the father, it was only then I accepted my niece.
Hailey was just a baby. An innocent and for the longest time, I refused to even acknowledge her.
That was the kind of man I was.
Nothing honorable about me.
I couldn’t even save my sister.
Yet, standing in the doorway of Bullseye’s room, watching Jessica hold Hailey, who looked so much like my sister, I wondered if I would fail her too.
“Sorry,” Jess said, spotting me. “She was fussy. I just changed her but I think she’s hungry.”
Walking over to her, I looked at Hailey and smiled, “Are you hungry Princess?” When her little chubby arms reached for me, I took her from Jess, holding her close to me. “Are you hungry sweetheart?”
“I’ll go see if there is a bottle for her somewhere.”
Nodding, I said nothing more as Jess went to search for a bottle.
It felt weird holding Hailey without Kitty hovering over me. My sister never did trust anyone when it came to Hailey. Walking her over to the window, I saw brothers going about their day without a care in the world. I wondered if I would ever feel that naive again. This world was a shitty place. It was a place where good people died and kids were left alone to fend for themselves. Where fathers abandoned them, leaving them to be cared for by strangers.
Well, not that I was a stranger.
I would never leave Hailey. Not like that.
It rankled me, that Bullseye could just up and dessert his daughter. For a man who loved his family, damn near died for them, how could he just up and leave without a trace. The more I thought about it the angrier I got. Who the fuck abandons their kid?
If Kitty were alive, she would kill that bastard herself. My sister didn’t play when it came to family responsibilities.
But she couldn’t.
She was dead.
That was on me.
How would I ever explain that to Hailey?
“Momma,” Hailey’s little whimper cut me to the core, as she laid her head on my shoulder.
“I know Princess. I miss her too. She would know what to do. Now, we must figure this out all own our own.”
Spotting a rocking chair in the corner, I sat, holding her close to me. God, she smelled clean and fresh. Her tight strawberry blonde curls were like a wild mop on her head and when she snuggled closer to me, my heart broke.
Even after everything I destroyed in her life, she still clung to me.
“I’m not a good person Hailey. I make mistakes all the time. I’m so sorry I couldn’t protect your momma. I wanted to. I really did but I wasn’t good enough. If you can forgive me, I would really appreciate that. I need you more now than ever. You are all I have left.”
“Just be there for her Savage. That’s what she needs now,” Jess said, walking over to me, handing me a warm bottle. Taking it from her, I held it in front of Hailey, who grabbed it and started sucking down the warm milk.
Watching her drink, her eyes closed as she drank that bottle like it was a fifth of Jack. Little girl could guzzle with the best of them, that was for sure.
“I don’t know how to do this Jess.”
“You are doing everything right, Savage.” She said, kneeling next to me, her hand reaching out to touch Hailey’s bare foot. “Babies don’t need much. Just someone to feed them, change them, hold them when they cry.”
“She needs her mother.”