“We’ve been together for forever!” Shelly yells.
I can’t decide if she’s talking to me or to Cora or to my family.
“Yes, and that’s the only reason we’re letting you go without further humiliation.” Grandmother’s tone is frigid. “I wonder if your parents know about your lack of character. Tsk.”
Shelly flashes tears. But that only earns a loud scoff from my mother and no encouragement from anyone else. She turns around and, walking a bit too fast, makes her exit.
I feel grimly satisfied, although it’s mixed with regret. I should’ve done this sooner. But now, finally, she’s permanently gone. She can’t even try her manipulative tactics through my parents anymore.
“Well. Now that the trash has been removed, we can resume dinner,” Grandmother says. “Erin, I’m so sorry about the scene. We usually do better when we entertain our…” Her voice trails off as she searches the faces in the room.
The hair on the back of my neck bristles as I look around. Icy fear and panic wrap around my chest like a vise.
Erin is gone.
Chapter Forty-Six
Erin
Bzzz.
Bzzz.
Bzzz.
My phone keeps going off, vibrating against my palm. I don’t bother checking the screen. It’s probably David calling and texting again.
I had to leave his parents’ home. Shelly announced my worst secret—publicly—something I never, ever wanted anybody to find out. I hate it that I’m only broken in my head. Why couldn’t my flaw be more obvious, really physically obvious, so people could see it at once?
That way, I’d never get to hope. That way, people would avoid me on their own. It wouldn’t be up to me to share how broken I am with the people whose opinions I care about the most.
Deep shame engulfs me, sucking me down. My wish to experience what it’s like to be normal was stupid and selfish. Because I’m not normal. All I’ve done is lie to the people around me.
David asked to make our engagement real. He wants to marry me for real. But he doesn’t know, like Shelly, that our kids will end up like me and my mom. Mrs. Darling wants a grandbaby so badly that she sent that giant framed picture of pregnant Jan and Matt to David. Will she still want one if it comes from someone like me?
My feet slap against unfamiliar pavement. I have no idea where I am, where I’m going or what I’m going to do. I only left with my phone. Should I pat myself on the back for at least having that? Should I grab a Lyft to the airport? I can probably buy a plane ticket back to L.A. I’m pretty sure a couple of travel sites I’ve used before have my credit card information. Or maybe they’ll take PayPal.
Then what?
I can’t think that far ahead. The only thing I want right now is to get away from David and his family…put as much distance as possible between us. I’ll probably need to quit my job, too. Or maybe Alexandra has already fired me. I have no idea.
My phone goes off again. I should just talk to David… After all, I can’t avoid him forever.
But it’s Dad. He’s probably going to try to get me to ask David to back his campaign again. That’s really all I’m good for to my dad. I’m not somebody he’d want to check up on otherwise. He didn’t even text last Christmas. Or wish me happy birthday this year.
Something snaps inside me. I want to scream and throw the phone against the asphalt and watch it shatter into pieces. I want to rage against the unfairness. The scary knowledge that I’m going to be like my mom, that I’m going to become a burden, that everyone around me is going to pity me and judge me. It twists and wraps me up like a boa constrictor, and I can’t breathe.
“Erin? Erin! Oh my God, there you are!”
I swivel my head. It’s David’s mom yelling from a blue BMW. I tighten my grip on the phone as she approaches.
What’s she doing here? Didn’t she understand what Shelly said? Good thing I didn’t throw the phone down and scream like a maniac. It would’ve given vivid proof that I’m—
“Come on, hop in!” She gestures. “We’re going home. David’s worried sick!” She stops the car and pulls out her phone.
“No!” I lunge toward the car, my hands slapping the door. “Don’t call him!”
“Why not?”