CHAPTER13
I can’t believe that,once again, things went so weird with one of the guys. I mean, I guess I shouldn’t have been so insistent about trying to get his phone, but honestly, Zac didn’t seem to be all that upset or surprised that I kept pushing to know, and he was the one who wanted to be on top of me, rolling me over like that…
But I’m a good girl, or at least I tell myself that I am. I’m not about to cross the line, but I can’t deny that I’m flirting with the line just like I’m flirting with the guys.
Damn it. I really need to stop.
And I will. I am.
It's done.
I'm done.
My phone rings. “Robyn? How’s it going?”
"Can you swing by? I bought a crap ton of Chinese food. You can have your fill. I was hungry when I ordered, but I'm not anymore."
“Are you okay?”
“I… I don’t want to get into it over the phone.”
“I’ll be right there.”
I hurry over to Robyn's. I've never heard her so distressed before, and it's kinda freaking me out. As much as my life is all screwed up, I don't want that for any of my friends, especially not Robyn, who's become my rock here at college. Not that anyone can replace Erika, but Robyn just might be my second best friend.
As soon as I arrive, I knock and open the door. Robyn’s pacing nervously, and she gestures toward her desk that is covered in bags.
“Help yourself. I’m not hungry.”
“You’re going to wear a hole in the floor. What’s going on?”
“You know how I have…” Robyn trails off and slams the door shut.
I flinch. “Sorry. I should’ve shut it.”
“No worries.” She glares at the door. “I just wish slamming it made me feel better. Anyhow, I have those two friends with benefits, you know, right?”
“Yes, the elusive Derrick and his freakish tongue and Jason who is always up for anything. What’s going on?” I gasp and cover my mouth. “Don’t tell me…”
"They always say that friends with benefits aren't real," she says as she resumes her pacing, "that one always develops feelings…"
“Which one did? Or did you?” I brighten. “Do you want to continue this forever? Has lust turned to love?”
“With me? No. It’s Derrick. He wants something more from me, more than I’m willing to give, and I’ve told him repeatedly that I can’t give him more.”
“When did all of this go down?” I ask, confused. “You were fine this morning at breakfast.”
"It happened after. He was waiting for me once my class was done, which he's done a few times, and I thought he wanted a quickie before his next class. I know his schedule, but, ah, after we… He told me he loves me. I was proud of myself because I didn't laugh. Not that I thought it was funny, but you know how you sometimes laugh at inappropriate times because you aren't sure how else to react? But I told him that he knows I can't reciprocate that. I've been very clear all along about what this is, and I decided that cutting ties would be the right thing to do."
“So that’s it? You’re cutting him out of your lie entirely?”
“Yes. We weren’t really friends. We hung out together at a party, found an empty room, and slept together. No strings attached. We ran into each other again at another party a month later. Same thing, only this time, I got his number, and I would text him when I was in the mood, and he would do the same. Two-way street.”
“Is that how things started with Jason too?”
“No, actually. A mutual friend of mine suggested that maybe I try to cheer him since his girlfriend had cheated on him.”
“Why would your friend suggest that? Did they mean for it to be sexual?”