"I don't know, but that's what it was. He basically used me, and it was hot as uck. Angry sex, you know? Have you ever had it?"
“No…” I murmur, but honestly, I could see Rob and me having that, which makes me sad. Yes, I’ve heard that angry sex can be amazing, but I don’t want us to be angry with one another.
“Derrick had to mess it up,” Robyn says. “I never meant to lead him on.”
“You probably didn’t, but sex can complicate things.” I offer her a half-smile.
“I was thinking about what you said when I first told you about my thing with Derrick. You asked me about not wanting to rock the boat and if I wanted to make waves.”
"I remember. You said you had a good thing going and didn't want to risk losing it, so you didn't want to change things."
“Yeah, something like that.”
“And that feelings overly complicate things.”
“Man, was I wise or what?” Robyn says ruefully. “I wish I didn’t have to worry about this, but for the sake of Derrick’s feelings, going cold turkey is best, right?”
“Only you can say what’s best for you and him.”
“Actually, I can only say what’s best for me. I don’t want to risk hurting him at all, but I guess I already have.”
“It’s not your fault that he has feelings for you.”
“Yes, well, after I told him no, I didn’t love him back, I left. I came here and figured he would go to his class.”
“I take it he didn’t,” I say slowly.
She nods and bites her lower lip. “Will you eat already?”
“In a minute. He followed you here?”
“Yes, and I tried to keep him at the door, but he almost forced his way in, and he kept asking if he could kiss me, and I kept telling him no, and then he kinda forced a few on me. I really didn’t want to, and I just had to stop it, stop him, and I had to leave my room with him there, and I went to the building where my dad’s office is. I’m pretty sure he followed me there.”
“Did you talk to your dad?”
“Hell no, but I pretended to, and when I thought he finally left, I hightailed it back here.”
“If he’s not going to accept that no means no…”
“Before I left him in my room, I told him those were goodbye kisses, that he was never going to kiss me again. I… This is all my fault.”
“No, it isn’t,” I protest.
Robyn finally stops pacing and, exasperated, holds up her hands. "I never hid Jason from Derrick or vice versa, but the other night, I got drunk, and I think I told you that I had a few threesomes, right? Neither was with Jason or Derrick. Like I said, I was drunk, called up Jason, and asked him to come over. And then I called up Derrick and did the same thing. We ended up all… Yeah. I don't know."
“When was that?”
“Last night,” Robyn says. “Now, Derrick says he loves me? I don’t know. It seems a bit strange, right?”
"I don't know about the timing," I say slowly, "but his forcing you to kiss him is a huge red flag to me. I know some might brush it off. 'Oh, it's only kissing,' but what if he tries to go even further next time? Just because you slept together before doesn't mean that the answer to that question is always yes. You are free to change your mind and do what you want with your body, including denying it to someone you've already been with."
“I know. I don’t think he really loves me, but if he does…”
“Do you have any classes with him?”
“A few, yeah.”
“I’m sorry.”