I hovered my finger over the send button, tears falling from my eyes. It was the final goodbye, and I needed a minute before I could push the button. The pain in my chest made me feel like someone was stabbing through my heart with a knife. With a deep breath, I clicked send and broke down sobbing on my bed.
I must have fallen back to sleep, and when I woke up, it was dark. My body clock was all over the place, and I guess that after sleeping until now, I would be awake all night. I checked my phone and saw that it was 10.30pm. The house was quiet, so my parents must have already gone to bed. My stomach rumbled, and I realised that I hadn’t eaten anything in about twenty-four hours.
After fixing myself a sandwich I brought it back upstairs, sitting on my bed to eat it. My laptop was lying next to me, and I turned it on, wondering if Mason had received my message. A huge part of me was hoping for a reply. I couldn’t help it; I was still madly in love with him and needed to know that he didn’t hate me. Clicking on my emails, I saw that I had a message from him. With nerves fluttering in my stomach I opened the message.
To:Libby Davis
Subject:Re. Sorry
From:Mason Walker
Libby. Thank god, you’re okay. I’ve been so worried baby. I could never hate you. I love you.
Please don’t do this, don’t end us, I’m begging you. I love you somuch,Libby.
Savannah’s told me that you think I should make a go of things with Amber for the baby’s sake. That will never happen Lib. I will take care of mychild,but I want nothing to do with Amber. She’s drivenawaythe woman that Ilove,and I will never forgive her for that.
I won’t let her come between us. Please come back to me. We can make this work, I know we can.
Please call me, I need to hear your voice baby. I miss you so much.
Always remember I love you. I’m not giving up on us.
Mason
xxx
I read his message over and over again, not knowing how to respond. I wasn’t going back, I couldn’t, not with Amber hanging around. I considered not replying, but I needed to let him know that this message would be my last. It was too hard to hear how much he loved me, when all I wanted to do was run back into his arms. Clicking the reply button, I began my response back.
To:Mason Walker
Subject:Re. Sorry
From:Libby Davis
Mason
This is too hard. I physically ache at being away from you, but I can’t come back. I’m sorry. I hate that I’m hurting you. We both need to move onsomehow,the only way I can even attempt to do that is to break contact.
I wish things could have been different.
I’m sorry.
ByeMason
Love
Libby x
I closed the laptop and lay down staring at the ceiling. I was all out of tears, all I had left was a pain in my chest, a pain like nothing I’d ever felt before, not even when I knew Mia had died. I felt physically sick at the thought of never seeing Mason again. He would move on and meet someone else, and I would become a distant memory. My stomach rolled at the thought, and I jumped off the bed rushing to the bathroom. I made it just in time, throwing up into the toilet.
Sitting on the floor, I leaned back against the bath and closed my eyes, my breathing erratic. My heart was racing, and my fingers were tingling, I knew that a panic attack was coming. I desperately tried to calm my breathing down and count my breaths. My hand went over my heart, and I started to count the beats like Mason had done with me. I thought of his voice and his touch, and after a few minutes my fingers stopped tingling, and my breathing had calmed down.
Mason had helped me more than he knew in those few weeks that I knew him. Was I making a terrible mistake? One that I would regret forever. My heart screamed yes, but my head was undecided. I guess only time would tell.