Swinging my legs over the side of the bed I forced myself to get up. Reaching into my bag, I dug out my phone, apprehensive as I turned it on. Looking in the mirror I took in my reflection, my hair was sticking up, and my eyes were red-rimmed as if I’d been crying for hours, which I guess I had been. As I turned away my phone started going crazy with incoming messages. I sighed and looked down, ten voicemails and eighteen text messages, not all from Mason, though. A couple from Savannah and one from Aunt Claire.
Reading the messages from them made me feel like shit. Aunt Claire seemed mad that I’d just upped and left, I couldn’t really blame her, and Savannah was begging me to contact Mason. I threw my phone on the bed leaving it there while I went downstairs. I couldn’t deal with it.
I’d slept for a few hours, and it was early afternoon, the house was empty which explained why no one had come into my room when I woke up screaming. I found a note on the kitchen table from my parents, my Dad had gone to work, and my Mum was at the supermarket. I was relieved to be on my own so that I could wallow in self-pity.
The home phone rang, I picked it up without thinking that it might be someone I didn’t want to talk to. “Hello,” I said as I reached into the fridge for the orange juice.
“Libby it’s me, Savannah.” She rushed out.
“Savannah,” I said in surprise. “Hey.”
“Why aren’t you answering your cell?”
I took a deep breath, she sounded pissed, and I learned from a young age that pissing off Savannah wasn’t a wise thing to do. “I’ve only just woken up; my phone’s been switched off since I landed. Sorry.”
I heard her huff down the line. “I’m glad you’ve managed to sleep.” I heard her mutter under her breath. “Libby, Mason’s a mess. He’s not slept a wink all night. None of us have. Don’t you care what you’ve done to him?” She asked, exasperated.
“Don’t you dare Savannah. Of course, I care, it’s because I care that I’ve left. I’m doing what’s right.” I shouted down the phone.
“Bullshit! You never even gave him a chance before you ran.” She shouted back. “You ran because you’re scared Lib.” Her voice softer. “And I get that, I do, but you can’t run every time you think you might get hurt. At some point you have to take a chance, risk your heart, and have faith that it will all work out, that’s part of loving someone.”
“I took a chance Sav, I let Mason in after my heart was crushed when Mia died, and this is what happened. You know what Amber is like, if I’d stayed she would be making our lives hell. The last thing I wanted was for Mason to have to choose between his child and me. I would never ask him to do that, and that’s the reason I’ve left.”
“Can you live without him though Lib?” She asked quietly.
“I’ll have to. I don’t have a choice.” I said sadly. “I have to go. There’s someone knocking on the door.” I lied, desperate to get off the phone.
“Okay, but please just text him, so he knows you alright, he’s going out of his mind.”
“Okay...bye Savannah.” I whispered, putting the phone down. It killed me to think that I was hurting him as much as Savannah said, but I just couldn’t see a way around it. She was right though I needed to contact him.
I made myself a sandwich but couldn’t bring myself to eat it. My stomach was churning, and I’m sure had I tried to eat it I would have thrown it back up.
Knowing that I had to contact Mason, I made my way upstairs to find my laptop. I had too much to say to him to send him a text message, I thought an email would be better. Grabbing my phone, I fired off a quick message to Savannah, asking her if she knew his email address. I didn’t have to wait long for a reply from her with his address. I opened my laptop and began what was probably the hardest thing I’d ever had to write.
To:Mason Walker
Subject:Sorry
From:Libby Davis
Mason
I’m so sorry.
I’m sorry I left without saying goodbye, I knew that if I sawyou,I wouldn’t be able to leave you. After I’d seen Amber and she’d told me her news, I knew that I couldn’t stay. She would forever be in our lives, trying to tear us apart. I would never want you to have to choose betweenyour child and me. I would never ask you to do that, but I can’t stay and watch you have a baby with her.
I love you, but maybe we were just never meant to be together. The distance and now Amber and the baby have come between us, it’s better that I left when I did, than down the line when more feelings are involved.
I want you to know that these past two weeks have been some of the best weeks of my life. You showed me that I was capable of loving again after losing Mia, I can’t thank you enough for that.
You’re going to make an amazingDad,and maybe one day we’ll meet again.
Please don’t hate me. I never intended to hurt you.
Love
Libby x