“Everything else was spinning out of control, but this, my way of life, I could take over and control that. When you said, you had feelings for me …” I shake my head, not finishing that sentence. I step toward her, raising my hand to her cheek and looking her in the eyes.
“You like when I take over and control you. It gives you freedom. It makes you realize not everything has to be in a perfect little box. You can let go and allow yourself to feel. I get that, Sky. But feeling something for me? That’s hard for me to imagine. I’ve been doing this for years, and no one has ever felt a thing for me.”
“And now I do.”
“And now you do.”
“And it scares you,” she says softly.
“More than you could know. I know what happens to those who care for me. I saw it. I can’t have that happen again, yet here you are, right in the middle of my mess, Skylar. So yes, I’m scared of feeling anything for you because I’m afraid I will lose you.”
She nods her head and reaches up, pulling my hand away from her face before turning and walking away. I watch her leave the room, and my heart drops in my chest. I don’t know if I should go after her or say anything more. I’ve made a mess of things, and I think that she knows that.
Instead of chasing after her, I walk over and sit on the edge of the bed, resting my head in my hands. Is this really what my life is coming to? I can’t even find fucking happiness in it anymore. I can’t even see the good I have in front of me.
I’m a complete fucking mess.