Chapter Fifteen
Justice
She locked herself in the bathroom for a long time before she finally came out. I made myself a bed on the couch in the living room to sleep. I don’t know what came over me. It felt like everything that happened, both past and present, overwhelmed me, and I was lost to it. My wife and daughter's deaths, Bana being released from prison, Sky being caught up in the middle of it. It all slammed into me at once, and I took it out on her. I can’t believe I allowed myself to get that far. I should be ashamed. No, I am ashamed.
I shove off the couch and walk into the room to see her back toward me. She trembles with each sob, and my heart fucking breaks a little more. I ruined that girl. I fucked up the trust we had and now look at her. What have I done?
I walk across the room and sit on the edge of the bed, resting my hand on the curve of her hip.
“I thought I was over it. I didn’t think there was any hate left in me. I was wrong, and I fucked up taking it out on you. I’m so sorry, Skylar. We…we can terminate our arrangement, and I can get you with another dom. One who can control himself. I also think you should see a doctor. Make sure I didn’t hurt you.” In one move, she rolls over to face me.
“I don’t need a doctor. And is that what you think I want? Seriously?” Anger seems to sweep through her as she glares at me. Then she pushes herself up and sits right in my face.
“I know this isn’t what you signed up for. I ruined that for you. I ruined what you wanted to gain from this,” I tell her.
“What I wanted to gain from this? Are you kidding me? What I didn’t sign up for was feelings, Justice. I didn’t sign up to fall for you!” She climbs off the bed and heads toward the living room with that admission. She what?
“You can’t just say that and walk away from me!” I yell. She can’t drop that bomb and walk off. That isn’t fair.
“Say what? That I’m pissed, I was taken from my home? I’m pissed off that you hurt me when you promised you wouldn’t? What part can’t I say, Justice?” I see the anger in those beautiful green eyes, which kills me. I don’t want to see her like this. I want her happy, and content. I ruined that.
“You know what, Skylar.”
“Forget I said it.”
“I can’t, and I don’t think you want me to either.” There’s no way in hell I can forget those words, but I also see how angry she is, and I want to diffuse the situation I created.
“Look at me, Sky,” I demand, but she doesn’t. “Look at me!” I snap louder this time. Slowly she raises her head and looks at me.
“Just let it go, Justice. I said things I shouldn’t have said. Leave it alone,” she says as she swipes at the tears on her cheeks. I shake my head.
“I can’t leave it alone, Skylar.”
“It’s over. I said what I said,” she tells me once more.
“It’s over? No, the only thing that’s over is that I hurt you. That will never happen again. I thought I was over the shit and had dealt with it, but it all came crashing down. I shouldn’t have acted the way I did. I’m sorry.”
“We both have a past, Justice. We both have our issues, right? You need to dominate someone, and I need peace. I just want … peace.”
“That’s not what’s bothering me, Sky. It’s the fact that you feel something for me. You shouldn’t feel anything for me. Look at me,” I say, throwing my hands out to the sides.
“I am looking at you.”
“And you don’t see the fuck up in me?” I ask her. She narrows her eyes and slowly shakes her head.
“No. I see a man who has needs. A man who has been hurt so much by his past that he doesn’t see the good in front of him. I see many things, Justice but not a fuck up.”
“Then you aren’t looking hard enough,” I tell her.
“What do you want from me?”
“I want you to be happy, Skylar. I want you to be able to move on from the past.”
“Do you want me to apologize for what I feel? Because I’m sorry, Justice!” I shake my head, running my hand through my hair and looking at her.
“I never wanted to be like this. I was never this kind of guy. It wasn’t until after they were killed that my life felt out of control. No, that’s not right; I felt out of control. I couldn’t control what happened to them, Sky. I needed to feel like I was in control of something in my life.”
“Oh god,” she whispers.