†
After that, Sasha and I finish our dinner in relative peace. She’s making the effort to keep up the conversation but my mind is only half on what she’s saying. The other half is on what Zack is doing up in his room. Probably playing his guitar. He does that when he’s stressed. After crying all over him, I can only guess he’s making himself scarce. He’s surely had his fill of female drama for the day.
Sasha goes back upstairs to check on Gabe and I decide to go straight home, making the decision not to visit my mother today. Spending time with her is a battle of wits even on a good day and I don’t have the fortitude right now. When I park in the drive in front of Isabelle’s house, I’m suddenly very tired.
The house is a pretty, three story Victorian right in the heart of West Haven. Izzie inherited this house from her grandparents late last year. It has an old-world elegance that’s completely different from Izzie’s brazen, punk style but somehow it fits her.
We’ve been friends a long time but I have to admit I was hesitant when she asked me to move in. You never really know someone until you’ve lived together and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to test our friendship that way. Especially since I like things tidy and Izzie has a tendency to be a walking disaster. Her room growing up always looked like a tornado had just come through.
But so far, we’ve meshed perfectly. Luckily her messiness is mainly confined to her room. She’s not a morning person but I’ve learned that as long as I don’t wake her up before ten on the weekends, we can make it work. I get a place to stay for next to nothing and Izzie says she feels better not rattling around this big place all alone.
Anything is better than living with my parents.
When I open the door, Isabelle looks up from her perch on the couch. She’s already changed into her favorite leggings and a long T-shirt so I know she’s in for the night. Her dirty blonde hair hangs over her shoulders in two long pigtails.
“Hey, I tried to call you. I ordered Chinese. The leftovers are in the fridge.”
“It’s okay. I ate at Gabe’s house.” I drop my handbag next to the door. She moves over so I can plop down on the couch next to her.
“I figured. How is he doing?”
“About the same. He’s sleeping a lot.”
Sadness washes over me again remembering how he looked. I'm not used to seeing him like that. Pale, tired and grumpy. It's so hard to see him hurt and vulnerable. Worse, I miss him. Not in the romantic way that everyone else assumes but as my friend.
Although crying all over Zack certainly doesn’t help the perception that I’m jealous.
“Maybe going over there so much isn’t a good thing.” Izzie says it slowly, drawing out the words. She shrugs when I look over at her. “I’m just saying.”
I can’t even be angry with her. She doesn’t know the real reason I spend so much time at Gabe’s house is so I can see his brother.
“I’m starting to think you’re right. I need to get back to work. Mr. Hartwell, you remember the owner of the gallery, wants to see my next photo series as soon as it’s done.”
“That’s great! You’re really doing it, Jo. Making a living with your photography. This is awesome.”
“I don’t know if I’d call it making a living. But I’m so excited to have the chance to shoot what I want.”
The money isn’t great yet but I’m secretly thrilled. It’s not easy to even have a chance at a show much less actually sell out. Now I have pretty much free license to shoot whatever I want. The proceeds from the last show will tide me over until I can figure out what I want to do. It’s nice to have that freedom.
“Have you decided what you’re going to work on next?” She picks up the remote and flips through the channels randomly.
“My erotic show sold out last time so I need to do something similar.”
She pauses on a channel with some kind of nature program. I can tell when my words sink in because her brow furrows.
“Another erotic show?” Her giggles are infectious. “You are really trying to give your mother a heart attack!”
“What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”
“Um, don’t you think you should at least warn her?”
“Yes, of course. But not until I’m done. The last thing I need in my head while working on this is my mother’s voice.”
“Well, it’s all going to hit the fan when she finds out you have another show coming up.”
I acknowledge her words with a shrug. Worrying about what my mom thinks is a waste of time. “Nothing I’ve ever done has made her happy except for dating Gabe. Which never actually happened. The one thing she thinks I did right was a product of her imagination. That tells you everything you need to know about my relationship with my mother.”
Izzie glances at me from the side of her eye. “I still think it’s a tragic waste that you never got a piece of that while you could.”