“And sometimes, people struggle so much that the only thing they can do is try to protect those around them from their struggles,” I said.
“What happened with Mommy?” Zoey asked.
I fell to my knees on the floor and gathered the kids in my arms.
“How would you guys like to stay here with me?” I asked.
I felt them cling to me as their little arms wrapped around my neck.
“For a long time?” Zoey asked.
“For as long as you want,” I said.
“Like move in?” Benjamin asked.
“Like move in,” I said.
“Does that mean we would, like, live here?” Hunter asked.
“If you wanted,” I said as I kissed the top of their heads. “If that’s what you want, then yes. You guys can come live with me.”
“Will we still do Friday pizza nights?” Emma asked.
“Of course.”
“Will Miss Emma come over??
?? she asked.
I opened my mouth and looked down into Zoey’s eyes, but I didn’t know how to answer her.
“It’s not pizza night without Miss Emma,” Benjamin said.
“We like her. Is she gonna live here, too?” Hunter asked.
“You gotta call her,” Zoey said. “She doesn’t ever miss pizza night.”
“I know she doesn’t,” I said. “But we’re talking about our family right now. Not Miss Emma.”
“Miss Emma is our family,” Hunter said.
I watched Zoey and Benjamin shake their heads and I had no idea how to answer them. I didn’t know what to do. I was ecstatic that they were taking all of this in stride. That they were okay living with me. It was like they weren’t even worried about their mother, and that reality killed my soul. Children who were so far removed for their mother’s antics that it didn’t even phase them that she wasn’t going to be around any longer.
But they missed Emma.
The woman who had become like a mother to them.
“She has to come to pizza night next week,” Zoey said. “Okay?”
“We aren’t a family without her,” Benjamin said.
“Yeah. We aren’t,” Hunter said.
I agreed with them. This place wasn’t the same without her. But what in the world was I supposed to do? She wasn’t returning my calls. She wasn’t answering my requests to meet up. Outside of showing up at her apartment or randomly at her work, which could get me arrested anyway, I was out of options.
But the kids wanted her. And I wanted her.
So whatever I had to do to get her back, I would do.