Nineteen
Emma
“Not hungry?” Catherine asked.
“Yeah. You’re forever eating Rueben sandwiches,” Natasha said.
“I’m just not feeling well,” I said. “I told you guys that before you dragged me out on a Saturday to have lunch.”
“You said it was just a headache,” Catherine said. “Is it something else?”
“Did you eat breakfast this morning?” Natasha asked. “I know you. Three cups of coffee isn’t a viable breakfast. Your blood sugar’s probably low.”
“No, I didn’t eat breakfast. But it’s not that kind of ‘not feeling well’,” I said.
“Do you want to leave?” Catherine asked.
“I’ve got some Tylenol and… oh! There’s that sippy cup,” Natasha said.
I giggled and shook my head as I picked around at my Rueben sandwich. I hadn’t been feeling well for days. My heart hurt too much. I wanted to be engaged with Natasha. To be present with her and enjoy our lunch out. She was my best friend. The person who had known me the longest. And ever since she had her twins, we saw each other less and less. It was a miracle I could pull her away from that massive family of hers, but now I was regretting coming out.
All I wanted to do was curl up and go to bed.
“You look tired,” Catherine said. “Are you sleeping?”
“Are you going to pick apart my every feature?” I asked.
“She’s right,” Natasha said as she took a bite of her salad. “You do look tired. What’s wrong? Talk to us?”
“Did Ryan do something?” Catherine asked.
“Wait, you’re still seeing Ryan Aaron?” Natasha asked.
“I wasn’t seeing him. I was… spending time with him. But no, I’m not anymore,” I said.
“Uh oh. What did he do?” Catherine asked.
“Do I need to kill him? I know a very rich man who could bury him in a heartbeat,” Natasha said.
“Isn’t your husband friends with Ryan?” I asked. “Don’t do that. Don’t drag him into the middle of things that don’t concern him.”
“It concerns you, and I love you. So it concerns him,” Natasha said.
“Put your phone away. Stop it,” I said. “Look. Ryan and I had our fun and then we moved on. Simple as that. Did you guys expect any different from a man like him?”
“Not really,” Catherine said.
“But you’re different,” Natasha said.
“No, I’m not. And convincing myself I was only led to the same heartache I try to keep myself away from,” I said.
“So that’s why you’re not feeling well,” Catherine said. “You fell in love with him.”
“I did not.”
“Did too,” she said.
“No, I didn’t. I didn’t fall in love with that man,” I said.