I looked at his slightly frowning face. He was confused, wondering why I’d changed all of a sudden. I felt helpless, and in the next moment, I felt a little angry.
If he hadn't sent that text to me by accident, if he had just ignored it when we both found out who was on the other end of the phone, then I wouldn’t have to deal with any of this right now.
“Leave,” I muttered, body trembling. “Get the fuck out, Ben. I don’t want to deal with you right now. Also, you should stop showing up at my place when you feel like it. This is my home, not yours.”
Ben looked startled. He slowly stood up and took a step toward me, but I quickly backed up, and he froze.
“Angela? What is it?”
I felt like crying, but I covered it up with a sneer. “None of this has anything to do with you. My life is none of your business, Ben. You’re just my student, and I should never have allowed things to get beyond that.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” He said, sounding agitated. He took another step closer, and I backed away again. It seemed to make him angry. “Everything was just fine after last weekend, so what the hell is this? Angela, tell me you’re joking right now.”
“This isn’t funny, though. You’re too young for me in the first place.”
“I’m still an adult,” he countered, a note of desperation in his voice now.
I scoffed, although I really wanted to make the hurt in his eyes go away. I had to end this, because of our parents, because of his ex-girlfriend, for my future. The pained confusion in his eyes tore a hole in my soul, but I couldn’t stop. I had to make him hurt so much he wouldn’t come back.
“Yeah, but you’re what, around twenty-one? So, you just became legal to drink alcohol this year, right? Well, I’m thirty-five, that’s a fourteen-year difference, Ben. And you’re not my type, to begin with. The only reason I went along with you was that I didn’t want you to report me to the school!”
That seemed to affect him, his whole body went still as his eyes widened. He stared at me for the longest moment, and as I panted lightly for breath, I felt regret and the hole grow bigger. He didn’t give me a chance to do anything about it.
“If that’s what you feel, then fine,” he muttered, eyebrows coming down in a frown. “Don’t worry, professor. I promised not to tell anyone, so I won't. I won't be bothering you, either.”
He sneered at me, then headed for the door. I watched him walk out of my bedroom, and suddenly, my legs felt weak. I moved over to the bed before shakily falling on top of it. I wanted to just disappear and forget the pain that felt as if it would tear me apart.
Long empty days filled with anxiety, regret, and pain passed by with no relief in sight. Nothing helped, and all I wanted to do was call Ben back and apologize, to beg him to come back to me. I stopped one day and thought, I can't do this anymore, I can’t take it.
After thinking it over, I went to the Dean to explain that my aunt was sick, and I wanted to take some time off so I could go visit her. It was a total lie, but he didn’t need to know the truth. After getting permission, I left the school.
Ben tried to call and left me a few messages. I did listen to the voicemails, apologies for the argument, for breaking into my apartment and intruding on my privacy. He asked me to call him back, but I didn’t.
Then, I got a text, and it had me shaking with confused emotions and indecision.
“I know about your dad; it’s not an issue. Please, talk to me.”
I stared at the words for a long moment but went back to ignoring him. I went back to ignoring my own wishes.Chapter Twenty
AngelaI woke up, feeling disoriented for a moment. I’d dreamed I was back in my apartment and Ben’s arms, but no. I remembered I was in a hotel back in LA, where I lived with my ex-husband.
Slipping out of bed, I went to the shower. I’d left New York a while ago, and without letting anyone know where I was going. Ben still sent me messages, and so did Dad, but I didn’t let either of them know where I was, either. Not even Dad. I was worried he would tell his wife to be where, and she would tell Ben, so I didn’t dare.
Dad just wanted me to show up for the wedding, and I hadn't made up my mind yet about whether I should go or not. I was considering skipping out on it.