He starts coughing, hitting his chest, and wheezing all at the same time. “I’m sorry,” he barely gets the words out between ragged breaths, “did you just ask me to be the sperm donor for your baby?”
I give his hand another squeeze and let him get himself together. He didn’t say no right away, I’m going to take it as a good sign. Still, a hole opens up in my gut. What if I just ruined everything?
“Yes,” I whisper, once he’s under control. “I don’t know a better man than you, Corbin. You’re my friend. You’re kind, smart, and good looking. You’re a good man. I know you and I know who you are.” I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, my eyes suddenly full of tears. “I know it’s a big ask. Really, I do. You would not,” I emphasize the word, “need to be involved in the baby’s life. I wouldn’t expect you to be. We would have legal paperwork about that to protect you. They never even have to know who their father is.”
Something passes across his face as he looks at me, but it’s gone so fast I can’t decipher it.
I give his hand one more squeeze as he stares at me before I unfurl my legs from the couch. “I know this is a lot and I’m asking something huge. I want you to think about it. I know what I want and if I need to go another route, then that’s okay too. I just,” I shrug, not even sure how to finish, but forcing myself to, “couldn’t think of anyone else.”
I stand up slowly, not even sure why I’m not running out as fast as I can. I should be. Embarrassment floods me, but I push it aside. I’m owning this. It’s what I want and I’m not going to apologize for it. I have nothing to even apologize for.
If he says no, that’s fine. I can understand why he would.
“Just,” I pause, “think about it. Okay?”
He swallows hard and his eyes sweep down my body and then back up before he nods slowly.
I don’t wait for anything else and I sure as hell don’t consider the heat I see flare in his eyes. Instead, I slip out of his door, grabbing my jacket on the way.
I don’t know what his answer is going to be, but I do feel oddly empowered as I head back to my place. I asked for what I wanted. He can say no, he can say yes, but I still did something that scared me. I feel a little bit closer to claiming what I’ve always wanted.
It feels right and that is something to hold onto.
CHAPTER 4
CORBIN
I’ve never experienced shock before, not the kind which shuts down your whole body and has your mind trying to revolt and restart at the same time. Two days ago when Justice came to see me, I was not prepared for what she asked me. Not even a little bit.
I thought she might say she wanted to travel the world or go skinny dipping with sharks. I was not expecting her to tell me she wanted a baby. As if that wasn’t enough of a shock, she asked me to be the one to donate the sperm for her baby.
Her words and the earnest expression on her face along with the trust she put in me did something to me. It was like my brain was rewired in a single second, but I couldn’t process it or understand what was happening. When she stood up and walked toward my door, something primal roared inside of me.
Don’t let her go. Take her. Claim her. Breed her.
It was fierce and it scared me just as much as the new lens I was seeing my best friend through suddenly. I didn’t want her to go, but everything was out of synch. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t understand.
When the door closed behind her, something clicked inside me and echoed through me.
I’ll admit it wasn’t the first time I looked at Justice as more, even though I always pushed those thoughts away because our friendship was so important to me. I didn’t want to ruin it. I didn’t want to trade it.
My relationships, much like hers, never went well. I got bored, annoyed, or the woman I was dating was threatened by my friendship with Justice. When Justice walked out of my apartment, I started to really look at our pasts and realized that maybe, just fucking maybe, it never worked out because we were with other people.
She told me she didn’t expect anything from me other than my sperm, which was hot as fuck in and of itself and I’ve been walking around with a fucking hard-on since, but the more I thought about it the more I realized it wasn’t going to work for me. I wasn’t going to be able to have a child out there and not be in their life. I wasn’t going to be able to watch Justice go through a pregnancy and not be right there with her.
Longing like I’ve never known slammed into me and I realized I want to be there next to her through it all. To rub her feet. To be at the doctor’s appointments. To hold her hair back when she’s sick. I want to be there when she gives birth. I want to hold our baby and be able to tell them I’m their dad.
The more I thought about Justice, the more I realized I’ve been in love with her for years. I didn’t admit it, not even to myself, until that fucking click. Now everything looks different, as if a fog has cleared.
It’s taken me a few days to get my head on straight about the whole thing.
I also know how stubborn Justice is. If she feels the same about me, which I’m not sure she does, she won’t give in easily. She’s worked out what she wants—a baby—and that’s it.
I’ve been trying to figure out how to convince her she needs more than just sperm from me. My cock throbs at the idea of giving her all the sperm she needs. My balls ache because I’ve alternated between trying to figure out how to convince her there is more between us and imagining all the ways I can go about knocking her up.
Take her. Claim her. Breed her.
I groan because it sounds so damn good to me. I want to sink into her. I want to give her exactly what she wants, tie her to me, and hen never let her go.