“Don’t start acting like that’s what you want,” I mutter, wiping at my own tears.
“It wasn’t, but I saw something I wasn’t expecting.”
“What’s that?” I ask, feeling damned old.
“You love Lennon. Whatever else our differences might be, we both know that boy needs the love of his father—hisrealfather. It’s something you and I never got a choice in. Lennon does.”
I nod, my throat tight. “If you hurt him again—”
“He’smyson, Jeff.”
I see the pain those words deliver, but they needed to be said.
“I’ll go talk to him.”
“I’m not sure I trust you to do that. I think Katie and I—”
“Lennon trusts me more right now than he does you. It needs to be this way,” Jeff counters.
“Whose fault is that?” I snarl.
“Believe it or not, Jake, that’s never what I wanted. I’ve never stopped feeling guilty over lying. That’s why I told you before the wedding. I wanted you to know the truth and I wanted Katie to finally decide if she could truly love me and put the past behind her.”
“You always knew what I would do, didn’t you, Jeff?” Katie whispers, emotion thick in her voice.
God, I’ve been so blind.
My brother gives her a sad smile and nods. “Yeah, Katie. I knew it was always Jake. I was just hoping I was wrong. I need you both to let me do what I can to salvage this. I need to make things better for Lennon. Katie’s right. He’s the only one important here.”
Katie and I share a look. She nods yes, but I can’t say anything. I don’t object though. I’m not truly sure how to make any of this better. Jeff looks at both of us and turns to go to Lennon’s room.
“You think this is okay?” I ask Katie.
She squeezes my hand. “I think this is a beginning. We’ll all work to pull Lennon out of this and together you and I will make sure our son is happy.”
I find myself praying she’s right.
CHAPTER 10
Jeff
Lennon’s head is buried into the dinosaur pillow that he has to sleep on every night. His entire room is decorated in T-Rex and other assorted dinosaurs with bright blues and greens with orange accents. Katie worked herself to death redoing this room about a year ago as a surprise for him. I helped her paint one wall in chalkboard paint and Lennon uses it often.
“Jeff!” Lennon says, hurling off the bed and throwing himself into my arms. I somehow manage to catch him and sit down.
“Shh…I’m here,” I tell him, kissing the top of his head and breathing in his scent. My heart aches. I love this boy like he was my own. Giving him up is even more painful than walking away from his mother. Still, I know the answer here. I can’t live in my brother’s shadow anymore. It took coming home to figure out that I don’t belong here anymore.
Hell, maybe I never did.
“Don’t leave again,” Lennon begs.
I clear my throat as emotion threatens to clog it. The last thing I want to do is hurt Lennon more, but I don’t really have a choice in this.
“I’m afraid I’ve got to, buddy. I have a job and responsibilities in Tennessee, and I need to get back. I belong there now.”
“No, you don’t! You love me and Mommy. You belong here with us!” he pleads, barely getting the words out as he yells them at me as if to make me believe them more. His little hands are wiping his tears as they fall and he’s sniffling, his face panicked.
“You have no idea how much I wish that was true, Lenny, but it’s not. It’s you who belongs here with your mommy and with Jake.”