Lennon slides off my lap and sits on the bed, grabbing his pillow as if it might comfort him. “You mean because Jake is my daddy, right?”
Shock hits me. “You know?”
“Yeah, but it doesn’t matter because I don’t want him as my daddy. I just want him to leave!”
“Where did you hear that Jake was your father?” I press, certain that Katie hasn’t told Lennon yet.
“I heard Mommy and Jake talking the other day. Jake said he didn’t want a baby—he didn’t want me.”
“Lennon—”
“It’s okay because I don’t want him either. I want you. You can be my father, Jeff.”
His words nearly cut my heart out, but I push them aside. I need to try and do damage control here. It is Lennon who matters—not my pain.
“Buddy, you should never eavesdrop on people. You never really hear the whole story and sometimes what you do hear is not the whole truth.”
“Jake doesn’t want me,” Lennon says again, sounding lost.
“If you hear someone talking about you, then you should ask them about it. Maybe they can explain, because sometimes adults say stuff but it’s not exactly what they mean.”
“That’s because adults suck,” Lennon grumbles.
I laugh a little and agree. “Yeah, sometimes we do.” I go down on my knees and look directly at him, a hand on each of his littlelegs. “Let me ask you something, Lennon. Do you trust me?” Lennon nods his head yes in answer. “Then listen when I tell you that your dad does want you very much.”
“He said he didn’t. He even left Mom all alone.”
“The thing is, buddy, your daddy never knew you existed until he came back into town.”
“He didn’t?”
“Nope, and that’s kind of my fault. That’s why Jake is so mad at me. I kind of kept you a secret and I shouldn’t have. The minute Jake found out about you he came straight here.”
“Jake came here for me?” Lennon asks.
“He did. He loves you very much and every time you say you hate him, it hurts him.”
“Why did you lie?”
I close my eyes as a wave of pain hits me and I don’t even try to stop my tears. I look at the little boy who has owned my heart from the first breath he took. “I lied because I wanted you to be mine and I didn’t want to lose you,” I admit, my heart breaking. “I was afraid there wouldn’t be room for me in your life any longer.”
Lennon wraps his body around me, startling me. I was scared after I admitted what I’d done he wouldn’t want me anywhere near him again. “It’s okay, Jeff. There is room. I love you. I could love my daddy and you, too.”
“Yeah, you can do that, buddy. You can do that,” I admit, squeezing him before letting him pull back.
“We can still play and spend time together.”
“That we can,” I murmur, my heart breaking.
“You promise?”
“I promise,” I vow. “And I need you to promise something, too, okay?”
“What?”
“I need you to give your daddy a chance because he loves you.”
“You think he does?”