She felt a stab of pure pain in her heart as she thought about Jude. He was on the coach coming here, of course. He had opened the carriage door for them all, watching as Mr. Beaumont took her arm to help her into it. But, of course, she hadn’t been able to say a single thing to him. She hadn’t even trusted herself to look at him, for fear that she would betray herself, and everyone would see how much she cared for the new coachman.
Her eyes filled with tears as she thought about it. The previous day, she had experienced the greatest pleasure of her life beneath his hands; he had brought her to a place she had never even dreamt existed. A place where she had never felt as close to another person in her life. And now, she had to pretend that he didn’t even exist, while another man gripped her arm in a proprietorial manner.
It was all so wrong. It was backwards and topsy-turvy. It was like the world had tilted sideways and she didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t anymore. Or even who she was.
“Evelina!” cried Caroline in delight, kissing her on the cheek. “I did not know you were coming this evening! I am so thrilled, dearest.”
Evelina smiled, drawing her friend away slightly. “Can we speak, dear Caroline?”
“Of course,” said her friend, excusing herself from the group.
They found a private window alcove and settled themselves. Caroline took her hand. “I saw you enter the room with Mr. Beaumont,” said her friend in a low voice. “It appears that the courtship is progressing.”
“You could say that,” said Evelina through gritted teeth. “It has progressed far beyond courtship. Not that there was everreallya courtship.” She took a deep, ragged breath. “My father and Richard betrothed me to him immediately without bothering to tell me. I only found out through default.”
Caroline’s eyes widened in astonishment. “I beg your pardon? You are betrothed?”
“Do not say it so loudly,” said Evelina, feeling nervous. “It has not been made public yet. But it is only a matter of time, of course.” She exhaled slowly. “I am bereft, Caroline. They ambushed me. I had no say in it at all.”
“Oh, dearest,” said Caroline, biting her lip. “I know you had reservations about courting him. You truly dislike the gentleman that much?”
Evelina nodded. “We have nothing in common. His character is repugnant to me.” She blinked back tears. “What am I going to do?”
Caroline sighed heavily. “I do not think there is anything youcando, dearest. A betrothal is binding and you must do your duty.” She paused, gazing at Evelina intently. “You cannot find anything redeeming in his character that could make that duty easier to bear?”
Evelina gazed at her fiancé across the room. He was holding court amongst a group of young ladies who were hanging off his every word. Of course, they didn’t know he was betrothed now. To them, Mr. Beaumont was still one of the most eligible gentlemen in the district.
Her new fiancé was clearly relishing being the centre of attention. Evelina recalled he had always enjoyed holding court amongst the young ladies. He seemed to have forgotten entirely that she had asked for him to bring her a glass of champagne, not that she was complaining.
Even so, it was another example of just how self-serving and self-absorbed the gentleman was. While she was grateful that he wasn’t clinging to her side like a limpet, as she had expected, his appreciation of the attention of the fairer sex didn’t bode well for their future life together, either.
“I do not think so, Caroline,” she said eventually. “I know I must try, but it is hard.” She paused. “I implored Papa to make it a long engagement, but he has not agreed to my request yet.”
Caroline reached out, taking her hand. “Evelina, even if your father agrees to that request, you realise it will change nothing in a fundamental way, do you not?”
“I know,” said Evelina, her voice catching. “But it would give me breathing space, dearest. A chance to get used to the idea and also time to get to know the gentleman better, although I doubt it will change my opinion of him.”
She was burning to tell her friend the other reason she wanted a long engagement. She wanted to tell Caroline that she was intimately involved with someone else. Someone who she believed she probably would have been proud to call her husband if it was possible. Someone who made her body pulse with life and her soul sing in a way that would never happen with Mr. Beaumont.
But, of course, she couldn’t tell Caroline anything about it. Her friend would be genuinely appalled and probably believe that Evelina had lost her mind entirely for carrying on a secret, illicit affair with a coachman. She wouldn’t understand. Caroline would think she was debasing herself by having a relationship with a servant. It was all so black and white for most members of the ton and her dear friend was no exception.
Evelina bit her lip. She was ashamed to admit it to herself, but only a month ago she would probably have reacted the same way if she heard a lady was having an affair with a servant. She would have been shocked, horrified, and scandalised. She would have reacted exactly like Caroline would react. She couldn’t take the higher moral ground and condemn her friend for being narrow minded and petty when she had been exactly the same herself.
She glanced back at Mr. Beaumont, just in time to see him lean close to Miss Eleanor Babbage, whispering in the lady’s ear. The gentleman had a furtive, sly look on his face. Evelina watched them for a moment, loathing him, before turning back to her friend.
She wasn’t surprised by what she had just witnessed. She never believed for a moment that her new fiancé really admired her greatly. He was just doing his duty, just the same as she was.
Nevertheless, it left a bad taste in her mouth. Would her life with him be one of constant humiliation when he flirted with other ladies, and probably more? Would she be relegated to being the long-suffering wife at home while her husband gallivanted around with other ladies, making a fool of her?
She wasn’t jealous. She didn’t care enough about him for that. But she had her pride. And the thought of being married to a gentleman with a wandering eye was just another nail in the coffin. It was just another thing to put on the list of the man’s character defects.
Evelina sighed. And the worst of it was she couldn’t even tell her father or Richard about what she had witnessed. They would just think she was being oversensitive and laugh it off. She couldn’t prove anything.
It wasn’t as if she had walked in on him in a compromising position with the lady. Gentlemen were given a lot of rope in that way, as well. Their indiscretions were tolerated far more than if a lady was doing the same thing.
Her heart sank. Caroline was right. It didn’t matter how short or long her engagement was. She was doomed either way.
Chapter 27