“Where are we going?” he asked, turning to Sally. “Did you want some fresh air?”
Sally giggled, saying nothing, as she lead him further away from the hall. It was so dark that he stumbled over a rock, almost falling onto the maid.
“Sorry,” he mumbled, trying to gain his footing. “I didn’t see the rock…”
But before he could finish the sentence, Sally wound her arms around his neck, pulling his head down to hers. He detected a whiff of her perfume before her lips seized his, in a bold, confident move he hadn’t been expecting at all.
For a moment, he surrendered to the embrace. He was slightly intoxicated and Sally was enticing, pressing herself against him.
As he kissed her back, he wished with his whole heart that this could be real. He wished he reallydidfancy Sally Potter as much as she seemed to fancy him. It would all be so straightforward and simple compared to his illicit longing for Evelina. If he fancied Sally, he could just enjoy this kiss. Even though he had been resolved not to focus on girls at Bosworth Manor, it would make him forget about Evelina. And that would be a good thing - for both of them.
He tried. Sally was a pretty girl, and she looked beautiful this evening. Perhaps if he didn’t feel this way about Evelina, he would have let himself be swept away and see where things might head between them. But even though he was trying very hard to forget his desire for Evelina, it hadn’t happened yet. And that meant he was using Sally, and that wasn’t good at all.
Gently, he pulled back. It was better if he was honest with her. He couldn’t tell her about his feelings for Evelina, of course, but he could tell her it was never going to happen between the two of them, no matter how much she wanted it.
“Sally,” he said in a soft voice. “I think you’re beautiful. Truly, I do.” He exhaled slowly. “But it’s just not meant to be.”
She gaped up at him. He could just see her eyes shining in the darkness.
“Why?” she whispered, pressing herself against him again. “There’s nothing stopping us. I am not beholden to anyone, and neither are you.” She frowned. “Unless there is something you are not telling me, Jude?”
His heart contracted. He didn’t want to lie to her, but he couldn’t be honest with her. There was simply no way he could tell her about Evelina. But hecouldlead her to believe that he had feelings for someone else, without telling her who. It would be a kinder way of letting her down than straight out rejection.
“Thereissomeone,” he said slowly. “Back in Shrewsbury. A girl I was courting… we parted ways when I came here, but I still think about her, and it feels wrong to kiss someone else.”
Sally was silent for a moment. He couldn’t see her expression in the darkness. But when she spoke, he heard the sour disappointment in her voice.
“I see,” she said, her voice tight. “Are you wanting her to be your sweetheart again?”
He sighed heavily. “I am thinking of writing to her to see if there might be a chance for us,” he replied, looking into the distance. “And until I work out what exactly my feelings are towards her, it would be wrong to encourage you. It would be wrong to kiss you like this. I hope you understand.”
Her body stiffened. “Well, you could have told me this before you took me to the dance, Jude,” she said in a voice filled with acid. “You could have told me that there was no hope. You must have known that I fancy you.”
“I’m sorry,” he repeated, feeling ashamed. “But you were very persistent and I thought there was no harm in it. I tried to refuse a couple of times.” He paused. “I thought perhaps we could just have fun dancing and that would be all.”
“Thatisall there is,” she said tightly. “Obviously.” She laughed, but it wasn’t a joyful sound. “This is the first time this has ever happened to me. I am usually fighting off the lads with a pitchfork. I’ve never been rejected before.”
“It isn’t you, Sally,” he said, feeling even more ashamed for giving into temptation and kissing her back. “You are beautiful. Any lad would be proud to claim you. I’m sorry that I can’t.”
Sally sighed again, before tossing her long auburn curls over her shoulder, and marching back into the hall. Jude stood there, watching her figure in the darkness before she vanished inside.
His hands clenched into fists at his side. He felt terrible. He should have trusted his instincts and never come to this dance with her. And he really should have pushed her away immediately.
He had done everything wrong, and he wasn’t surprised that Sally was angry with him. He took a deep breath, heading back to the hall. He had learnt his lesson. He needed to forget Evelina, but trying to do it in the arms of another woman wasn’t the answer. Not in the least.
Chapter 22
Evelina gazed out her bedroom window, watching the lanterns flickering around the estate. She hadn’t been able to sleep again and had eventually given up, sitting in her window alcove with her shawl wrapped around her shoulders.
She leant her head against the windowpane. She was so tired. She hadn’t slept properly for a few nights, ever since the revelation that she was actually engaged to Edward Beaumont as opposed to considering courting him.
It had been sprung upon her and she was still reeling from it. And from the realisation that she really couldn’t indulge in her burgeoning relationship with Jude any longer, after she had just found the courage to push all her misgivings about it aside.
Her heart contracted. Jude’s kiss still lingered on her lips. The farewell kiss she had never been expecting and hadn’t sought. He had just appeared in the garden, and as always, their intimacy had seemed so natural. The kiss had just happened. But she knew she must put a stop to it. It had always been dangerous, but it was even more so now that she was an engaged lady.
She cringed at the thought that it was true. She reallywasengaged to Mr. Beaumont, Edward Beaumont, a man she had never liked, and certainly didn’t respect. Love was out of the question. She thought about how he had treated that poor little girl in Charingworth and how dismissive he had been towards Jude that day.
She knew they were only minor things. It wasn’t as if he had robbed or killed someone, but they were important to her. They showed that her misgivings about him were correct. Mr. Beaumont’s character left a lot to be desired. How on earth was she going to make a whole life with him?