My heart began to pound as my throat tightened. “There is no other option. We can’t allow someone else to learn about theembers and take them.”
Slowly, he faced me, his features stark. “Therehasto be another way. Maybe the Star—”
“How would we retrieve it? Do you know where Kolis keeps it? Know anyone who would be willing to share that little piece of information with us? No. And even if we could find the Star, you heard what Delfai said. It’s too late. The embers have merged with me. Removing them will kill me either way, and I—I don’t want to die.”
“Glad to hear that you finally feel that way.”
I ignored that. “I want a future. I want tolive. I want to experience a life where I have control of my future. I want us,” I whispered. “But Ineeda future where we defeat Kolis and the Rot goes away. Where those in Iliseeum and in the mortal realm are safe. That’s what’s important. The only thing that matters.”
“No, it is not the only damn thing that matters, Sera.” His eyes flashed. “You. Not the godsdamn embers. Not the fucking realms.Youmatter.”
My breath snagged as I closed my eyes against the wealth of emotion that rose. I…I did matter. Me. But this wasn’t about only me. I knew that. So did he. “There’s no other way.” A tremor went through me as I opened my eyes. “Iunderstandthat. And it’s not your fault.”
He looked away, swallowing. “Stop—”
“It’snot,” I insisted. “This isn’t right or fair, but you know what you have to do, Ash.”
“Do not,” he snarled, head snapping back to mine. He took a short, measured step toward me and then shadowstepped, appearing directly in front of me. “Donotcall me that when you speak of me ending your life so casually.”
Pressure seized my chest as a knot lodged in my throat—a mix of emotions too raw for me to fully understand. “I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry?” A ragged laugh left him. “Fates, youaresorry. I can taste it. Vanilla but tangy.” He shook his head in disbelief. “You feel sympathy—anguish—forme.”
I sucked in a short breath, pressing my right palm to my heart. Sympathy. Anguish. That and bone-deep resolution were what I felt. “You’ve done nothing wrong.”
“Neither have you.”
“How the fuck can you even say that?” Ash roared, loudenough that even with the distance we’d traveled, it was still likely someone heard. I doubted anyone would dare to venture into the pines, though. “Because therewasanother option. I could’ve saved you.”
“This isn’t on you.” Reaching up, I clasped his cool cheeks. He started to pull away, but I held on as the embers hummed. Essence shattered his eyes—anger and agony, too. I drew in a short breath and nearly choked on the scent of pine. “Even if you had yourkardia, Ash, there was no guarantee you’d love me—”
“Yes, there is.” His eyes were wide and wild as he caught my wrists. “I would’ve loved you if I could have. There would’ve been no stopping me.”
A jolt ran through me. His declaration was as powerful as one of love, and it shook me. Rattled me until the embers began to hum and throb, until I tasted the eather gathering in the back of my throat. The corners of my eyes started to brighten.
“Kiss me,” I whispered.
There was no hesitation.
Ash drew me to him, lifting me onto the tips of my toes as his mouth lowered to mine. We both shuddered at the touch of our lips. The kiss was gentle and tentative, full of reverence and sorrow. Tears rushed my tightly closed eyes. A soul-torn groan rumbled from Ash’s chest and through mine.
The embers continued to hum.
My heart ached.
Ash’s arms swept around me, hands fisting my braid, my hip. He pulled me even closer to him, our bodies flush. His head tilted, the kiss deepening with a sweep of his tongue against mine, a clash of teeth against fangs. And from all the anguish, desperation was born, one of need and want, and it was all-consuming.
There was no hesitation when our mouths parted and our gazes collided. There were no words as his lips returned to mine and we reached for each other, buttons being opened, pants and undergarments shoved down. Our lips didn’t part as he lowered me to the pine-needled ground and took me with one deep stroke of his hips.
His mouth captured my cry of pleasure, and he answered with a heated growl. With my pants gathered just below myknees, I couldn’t lift my legs or widen them. The restricted movement made every thrust tight and nerve-wrackingly intense as I gripped his arms.
That was all I could do—hold on as he moved in and out, going as deep as he could, rushing, driving me to the blade-thin edge of pleasure and pain.
He seated himself deeply within me, lifting his mouth from mine as he clasped my cheek, stilling. “I wish…” he whispered hoarsely, dragging his fingers across the freckles sweeping over my cheek. “I wish I’d never had mykardiaremoved.”
My eyes fluttered open.
His eyes glinted with a…a sheen of red. Primal tears of grief. “I never wanted to love. Not until you,liessa.”