Bitter?
Definitely.
Jealous?
No comment.
I can text Nolan now, though because my pride doesn’t have to worry about rejection or if he perceives me as needy because this message is on behalf of Hannah and maybe it’s a good thing—a better thing—if he doesn’t respond and I don’t see him. Platonic feelings—a platonic relationship would be so much safer and easier to navigate.
Me: Are you guys here?
Nolan: Are you looking for me or Ethan?
My heart does a traitorous dance.
Me: Both.
Nolan: Where are you guys?
Me: We’re standing by the statue of Camden.
I eye the bronze statue of Camden, the founder of our school that sits in the front courtyard. I’ve always wondered if he really did look like Abraham Lincoln or if they just wanted him to look like a distinguished and notable man in history.
“They’re here,” I tell Hannah when Nolan doesn’t respond.
“Where?” Her voice turns higher with anticipation as she looks around.
I scan the crowds and spot Hudson, Evelyn at his side. My heart seems to do a double beat, knowing Nolan will be with them and spot him as he cuts through the crowd, moving to Evelyn’s opposite side.
My heart beats chaotically, ignoring my wishes for platonic anything as Nolan’s eyes meet mine and he smiles in recognition and what I want to believe is the same concoction of excitement and relief that’s currently guiding me to lead Hannah toward them.
“Hey,” Evelyn says, grinning as she steps forward to hug me.
“Hey. Evelyn, did you get the chance to meet my friend and roommate, Hannah?”
Evelyn shakes her head and offers Hannah her hand. “It’s nice to meet you. This is my boyfriend, Hudson.”
Nolan moves to stand beside me. “Are you sold yet on college traditions?”
“I don’t know what I was expecting, but I kind of thought college traditions were secrets. Like you meet at three in the morning and knock twice on a door and have a secret code to get in.”
He chuckles. The sound sends a shot of pure bliss through my system. His laugh, despite not being quirky, is quickly becoming my favorite addiction. The deep rumble, the smooth bass, the slight intake of breath at the end—it’s all mesmerizing. “A few are more exclusive, but there’s not a ton of mystery.”
“No secret societies?”
His smile widens. Around us the crowd cheers in response to a giveaway happening to our right. Nolan dips his head, his lips so close to my ear that I feel his breath. “None that I’ve been invited to.” He smells so good I nearly moan. I forgot how good he smelled. It’s comforting, clean, and fresh, and on Nolan, it’s like a drug.
I swallow, turning to speak in his ear, leaning a little closer than necessary. “Where’s Ethan?”
“He’s coming. He, Sam, and Colin got caught taking photos with some fans.”
I nod as I take a half step back so I can see his face. His eyes show traces of tiredness but when he smiles, they nearly disappear. “Congratulations on your game.”
His grin widens, cutting open that vein that has me feeling too much and yet not nearly enough.
“Nolan!” The same blonde—Janelle—cries, jumping on Nolan’s back. He catches her thighs with his hands, and that feeling of jealousy I’ve been trying to fight and ignore burns me like an iron prod.
Nolan flinches, reminding me of the hit he took yesterday. He straightens and releases his grip, forcing her back to her feet as his gaze tracks to mine.