I gave him a chance to answer. It had to be okay. This was one of those situations. We were going to be friends who had secrets. This one was mine. Maybe he understood, because he didn’t say anything as I rushed from the car. Tanner waited outside of mine, and I took the keys from him with a smile. “I had so much fun getting sushi. Got to go now.”
“Maci?” I could hear his unasked question. He hadn’t been in the car to hear me put off Rowan, but nothing had changed in the seconds since then. This part was mine and mine alone.
“See you Monday.”
He ran a hand through his hair and walked toward Rowan’s vehicle. “Be safe.”
“You too.”
I took a deep breath and pretended that they weren’t all staring at me from behind as I entered the trailer that had been my home for most of my life. I swallowed, stepping into the smell of smoke—mostly pot, I thought, but cigarettes too—and incense that my mother always thought covered up the rest of what was going on.
Over the years, I’d developed a real hatred for that scent, so much so that it was almost a psychosomatic allergy. I had to actually convince myself I could breathe when I smelled it.
Loud music blared through the room, something hard rock, and a piece of red silk covered the light, bathing the room in the color, so much so that it looked like I’d walked into the center of a volcano. Mama was, as expected, not alone. Two men sat with her. But I couldn’t focus, not really, on any of them. Not when all I could see was the mess everywhere. Forgetting the drugs—I was right, she was back on heroin, if the needles were any indication—everything was strewn everywhere. When she left again, I was going to have to clean all of it up.
I hated that part.
For the most part, I kept my life really fucking clean. Everything had a place. My mother was barely back hours, and our home was already a mess.
“Baby!” My mom jumped to her feet. “You’re home. I thought maybe you had taken my car and run away finally, and who could blame you? I always forget just how much I hate it here until I come back.”
I tried to smile at her. She was more than her addiction, more than what she did to herself. She was the woman who had taught me to love rom-coms. Who had known the names of every star in the sky. She knew how to cook everything without ever having to look at a recipe. The first thing she did every year was renew her library card on January second.
Trying to remember those things kept me sane with her, sometimes. Other times, nothing worked, and I just had to bathe in the fact that I both loved and hated her in equal measure and that there was nothing in the world I could do about any of it. Maybe that made me a bad person.
“I’m here.” I smiled at her. “At least until graduation. We’ve talked about this. Sorry I wasn’t here to greet you. I was out with friends.”
“Friends?” She laughed hard. “You don’t have friends. Baby, this is my new husband. We’ve been in Vegas, gettingmarried. Would you believe he’s lived five miles away this whole time?” The way she stressed the m-word made it seem she thought I wouldn’t understand what she was saying. “This is Kyle.” He rose for the introduction, and she wrapped her arms around him, patting his big round belly when she did so. “Baby, this is your new daddy.”
Oh, he was absolutely not that. I didn’t have a father. I’d never known him, but this man was not going to take on the role. My mother had gone to Vegas so many times to get married, I’d lost track of them. As far as I knew, she never got divorced, either. My mother might be the biggest polygamist in the state, as far as I knew. No, Kyle was not going to be my daddy. He probably wouldn’t even be her husband for very long.
I put out my hand. “Nice to meet you.”
His track marks complement hers.
Maybe it was because I was so distracted by introductions, but I didn’t expect to be grabbed from behind by the other man in the room. “You were right. She’s gorgeous.”
I yelped and struggled as I was hauled into the arms of the smelly man with my mother and her newest fling.
“You and me, we’re going to have such a good time. Your mama told me all about you, Maci. From now on, you belong to me.”
My mother clapped her hands. “Isn’t it wonderful? We’re going to be like a big old-fashioned family.”
When his hand moved to grab my breast, I screamed, even knowing it was fruitless. Screaming. Crying. They did nothing. Ever.
But this time, it actually did. The door swung open, and my friends ran inside. All three of them. Why hadn’t they left? Relief warred with humiliation as I continued to struggle to get out of the hold of the man who smelled like a dead rat.
“Put her down.” Rowan enunciated every word. “Now.”
Kyle reared back. “Fuck. I mean, fuck. Jerry, put her down. That’s Rowan Kennedy.”
“What? He’s just a kid. Why should I…?”
Kyle visibly shook. “Put her the fuck down. Now. You’re not from around here. Trust me. Down. Now.”
I was dropped and would’ve hit the floor if Tanner hadn’t caught me. “Got you, Maci. You’re okay.”
Rowan stood stoic and still. “Tanner, Griffin, take her into her room and pack a bag. Enough for several days. She’s obviously not staying here. Now, these men and I are going to have a conversation.”