This is fucking torturous but in the sweetest way imaginable.
“Then, you’ll fuck me,” she says because she knows it’s a fact. “I’m on birth control, Harry, and I’m clean.”
Just as she’s about to take my dick between her lips, I stop her by tangling my hand in her hair. “You want me to take you bare?”
Her gaze locks on mine. “I’ve never felt that, and I trust you.”
Jesus, every second with this woman is like a gift.
“I’m clean,” I say quickly. “I test regularly and always use a condom.”
Her tongue darts out to flick over the side of my cock. “Then it’s settled. You’re going to fill my pussy with your cum.”
I can’t take it. It’s all too fucking much, so I guide her closer and ram my cock into her pretty little mouth.
I wake to the most angelic sound I’ve ever heard.
It takes me a second to realize that I’m sprawled out on Ava’s bed. The sheets are tangled around my legs, and the pillows are on the floor.
I was a beast when I took her after she sucked me off.
The thought of feeling the silken heat of her pussy wrapped around my cock was too much to bear.
I wasn’t gentle. I tossed her on the bed, got behind her, and fucked my way to the edge. Then I flipped her over, pinned her down to the bed, and watched her face as I unloaded in her without anything between us.
Tears welled in my eyes as she cried out it. I’ve never felt that connected to another soul in my life. I’ve never felt that vulnerable and exposed, but I wouldn’t have traded it for anything, and it’s left me wanting more.
I close my eyes again to listen to the sound of the piano.
Even though I heard Ava’s masterpiece in the theater earlier, I’ve never witnessed her playing.
I scour the floor for my boxer briefs, tugging them on as I hop from foot to foot on my way to the living room.
I spot her immediately. My white button-down shirt covers her body. Her hair is loose in long waves that cascade over her shoulders, and as she plays a soft melody on the instrument, she hums along with it.
I stand and stare and catalog every piece of this in my memory, so it’s burned there forever.
Suddenly, her hands stall, and her gaze darts over her shoulder. A wide smile coasts over her full lips. “Harry.”
I approach her with quick steps, needing to get close to her as desperately as I need my next breath.
She scoots her ass over to give me room next to her on the bench. I straddle it, so I’m facing her. “Ava, that was beautiful.”
Her eyes scan my face. “Do you really think so? It’s something special that I’m working on.”
“It was incredible. Is it another piece for a film?”
She brushes a strand of hair back from her forehead. “It’s a lullaby for Sean and Callie’s baby. It’s going to be my gift for Baby Wells. Declan will help me record it for them, so it’s his gift too.”
I glance at her hand, which is still resting on the keys. “Sean will love that. Callie will too.”
“I hope so.” She looks down at her lap. “It’s going to be a big day for my family.”
“For all of us,” I add.
She nods. “We’ll see each other then and at the wedding too.”
It will be two of the most difficult days of my life because I’ll be close to her physically, but we won’t be together as we are now.
“Maybe we can see each other more,” she whispers. “Maybe I can come back here every few weeks, and you can come to London to see me.”
I stare at her, seeing the anticipation in her expression. She’s asking me for more than I can give. I can’t find the words to tell her that there isn’t a future for her with me. I can’t offer her what she needs or deserves.
Silence sits between us like a weight on my chest, pressing the life out of me and stealing every ounce of joy I may have felt if circumstances were different.
“I understand,” she finally says.
“Ava,” I whisper her name, but then I’m lost.
I can’t tell her that I love her. I can’t say that all I want is to spend my life with her because that choice was taken from me on a snowy Wednesday afternoon four years ago in a doctor’s office when I was given a diagnosis that forever changed my life.
She slides back a touch. It can’t be more than an inch or two, but it feels like miles to me. “We agreed that this would end when I go back to London. Is that still want you want, Harry?”
It’s the last fucking thing in the world that I want, but I don’t get to choose what I need.