Cole stiffened. Was this where West’s strange new protective instinct stemmed from? Some useless vow that their momma would never enforce if she knew the details?
Cole pushed the disturbing development away from his mind. His one job here was to give his momma as much peace as she needed to face the end, and still hope warred against his fears. He wondered if perhaps the doctors were wrong, and they could keep her with them a little longer. “Momma, you look so good. Why can’t you do another surgery?” he asked.
Her other hand found his. Her skin was as soft as it normally was, though colder, and it trembled. “Honey, we can’t.”
“She barely survived the first transplant,” their dad cut in in a voice rough with emotion. “Now it’s her kidneys that are failing. She’s got a small window. Things are going to start shutting down fast, and your momma… well, your momma just decided that her body’s had enough. The next heart can go to someone who can survive the surgery. She wants to let it go.”
“Let it go?” West choked beside him. “You’re dying.” Trust him to be blunt, but maybe he had to say it to believe it. “We can’t let this happen. Let’s get you on life support while they find you a new heart. We can’t let you die like this.”
Momma’s eyes filled with tears. “Please, don’t worry yourself. I’ve never felt closer to God than I do now.”
West’s mouth twisted in that stubborn way of his. “He can’t take you away. I won’t let Him. We’ll fight it. Who do I need to talk to? We’ll get you a new heart. Now!”
She laughed admiringly then coughed. Their dad’s stern look behind her shoulder told West to back off, though their old man usually avoided arguments when Momma’s tender ears might overhear.
“My dear, listen.” Momma gave West such a loving look that his brother had to swallow a few times. She tried to catch her breath to speak. “You’re a fighter—and that’s good. God knows your gifts. He’ll use you for good.”
West stared at her like she’d lost her mind. Maybe she had, but Cole understood exactly what she was saying. They’d all seen the fire in West that could burn down any obstacle when he had a mind to it, and now his momma matched that strong will of his with her own.
“Turn to God, my love,” she whispered. “He loves you like I do.”
West’s expression darkened, not at her,neverat her, but Cole sensed the anger all the same. Who was it directed at? It was that same rage and hopeless guilt that Cole had seen earlier when they’d argued in the barn. Cole caught his breath when he realized that West was aiming all that darkness at himself.
“Don’t lose h-hope,” Momma said, even as she lost the strength to say it.
West clenched his fist, unable to retort, unable to agree.
“West?” Momma caught him with a piercing look that seemed almost steel hard in a body that was deteriorating. It was as if she was forming angel wings that lent her firmer resolve when it came to saving her children. She’d prayed for West long enough—they all knew it—and now heaven was joining forces with their momma to pull her boy from the ashes of what he’d made of his life. “Tell me you’ll look to God,” she pleaded.
“I can’t make promises like that, Momma,” West finally got out. “I-I’m not really the kind of guy that His angels are going to welcome with open arms.”
“If you only knew…” Her eyes glistened.
“I’ll tell you what…” West started doing what he did best, soothing her with his practiced words. “I might not do things your way, but I’m going to become exactly the kind of man that you want me to be.”
“Not forme, never for me, my dear, for you. God grant you joy.”
“Joy?” He repeated the word like it was an offense.
“When you find it, you’ll know it. Don’t put it off.” She caressed his face, not allowing him to comfort her with meaningless promises like he usually did. “I worry for you.”
“Please…” West struggled to keep his composure.
Cole’s own eyes overflowed with tears as he mourned this loss. It felt so much better to express his feelings before they throttled him on their way out.
His brother would never feel that relief. He gave nothing its due. “Don’t worry about me,” West pled with her. “I hate that you spare any thought for me when you’re–you’re in so much pain.”
“What a sweet man you’ve grown to be,” Momma said gently. “You’re in God’s hands now. All my boys are. I love you, West. I’m so proud of you. Watch over my grandsons.”
West nodded. “I will. I will. They love you so much.”
“Make sure they’re happy,” Momma said. “Raise them up good and strong… just like you.”
That was too much for West. He stepped back, his mouth firmly clenched. He’d lost all ability to speak. He only nodded.
Momma turned to Cole with a pained smile. “My dear—so wise from so young an age. Such a good, kind soul.”
West’s pointed glares at Cole didn’t make him feel that way, but neither of them were about to inform their momma that she was wrong about them and they couldn’t survive without her.