“What team?” she snorted. “It’s just me and you know it!”
“But what about Tash and that other girl? Petra?”
“They are part of Communications!”
I put on a shocked face. “I thought they were helping you on the social media project. It’s a lot of work!”
She pulled a face. “Please, like I don’t know it.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, showing as much contrition as I could. “I really didn’t want to put you through all that.” I put on my most sympathetic face, leaning forward to touch her hand.
“Bullshit,” Lauren said flatly, not having any of it.
“Look, it’s fine. I gave this everything and now you can take it and shove it.” She got up and got ready to leave. This was one of the things I liked about Lauren, her ability to let things go. I had enough obsessive neurotics in my life, to know that Lauren was not one of them.
“Wait!” I said. Her hand paused on the door.
“You’re right. I knew you were working alone.”
She turned around and walked back to me. She was looking at me differently now, a more calculating look in her eyes.
“I wanted to get back at you,” I said. I was trying a different tack now, defense. I had no idea if it would work, but it was worth a shot.
“For what?”
“For college, cheating on me,” I tried to shrug it off like it meant less to me because it happened so long ago.
“Cheating on you?” She repeated the words. “I didn’t cheat on you.”
“With that guy, what was his name? Gabriel?” As if I’d ever forget his name.
“Gabriel?” She stared at me. Then she laughed. “I never cheated on you with Gabriel. As if I could, he’s gay!”
“Gay?” I was losing my footing here.
“You thought I cheated on you with Gabriel?! Is that why you broke up with me?”
“I found you two together in bed at that lake party! Remember? I had a test that day and said I’d come later but then missed my ride. By the time I got to the house, I couldn’t find you and then when I did, well….”
I had buried the memory of that weekend deep in the recesses of my mind. I never thought of it. Remembering the pain and the betrayal that she had caused still managed to upset me.
Lauren shook her head, incredulous. “We shared a bed, yes, there weren’t enough beds for everyone. But that doesn’t mean we slept together! You got so mad, wouldn’t let me explain. I thought you were angry about me leaving without you!”
I remember that I was so shocked at finding her in bed with someone else that I could barely talk to her. I was too freaked out. Perhaps deep down I’d always expected her to let me down somehow. After all, that was what everyone in my life had always done. I had not given her time to explain. I had left and not seen her again. I had graduated then anyway, and it was a clean break. This was how I justified it to myself.
“Gabriel is gay?”
“So gay!” Lauren laughed. “Back in college he was dating two guys at the same time and was constantly struggling to decide which one he had to be with!”
“So, you never cheated on me?”
I sat back on the couch, which was hard as wood. Why on earth did I have such uncomfortable furniture in my office? It was some top designer’s showpiece; I knew that much. But right then, I wanted something comforting, not about to break my back.
“I loved you Matthew,” Lauren said, simply. “Why would I cheat on you?”
She had no problem saying that. It occurred to me that things were very different for her, the world so much less murky. I was surrounded by people motivated by all kinds of hidden desires and twisted needs. But Lauren wasn’t like that. She was honest and direct.
“I felt the same about you,” I said slowly, not able to use the word as she had. “I think that was the problem.”