“Putting them through what?”
“The disappointment. The pain. The shame. Your um... desires?”
“Babes, my desires and who I’m with are my business. That’s it. No one has the right to tell anyone to change because they are affected by your sexuality. That may be the hardest thing to come to terms with. The scariest demons always lie in our own heads. I spent so long trying to find a way to tell them, and it was all wasted energy.”
“They accepted you? Just like that?”
“Best moment of my life. Well, next to meeting Chris. He got me into fitness and got his uncle to train me in MMA. And that boy has a mouth on him like a vacuum cleaner.” He chuckled but continued, “Where is this coming from, babes? You still haven’t come out to your family, is that it?”
“No, I... Well yeah I have. I got caught with a girl by a teacher at school. Everyone freaked the fuck out and now I’m banned from seeing her.”
“Oh shit. I’m so sorry.”
Ava shrugged. It was all she could do to keep herself from crying. “I just miss her so much. We’ve been best friends ever since primary school. And, for the first time, I’m just lost. The way her parents looked at her. I feel horrible, like it’s my fault she’s in this position. She won’t talk to me, and I don’t know if she’s made that choice or if it’s her parents. I feel like the worst person alive.”
“Hey, stop that,” Ruben said, taking her hand. “Now you listen to me and listen good. You know why I tell you, you’re the brightest young fighting talent I’ve seen in years? Probably ever? You give yourself completely over to it. Because you love it. With acute training, I swear you could make it in the Cage. You know exactly who you are when you put those pads on and shape up to your opponent. Why would you think life should be lived any other way? You know the most difficult opponent you’ll ever face? Yourself. Your own fear. Your own doubt. You are the only person you have to defeat. The only one you should ever have to answer to. But, if it means anything, I think you’re a hell of a woman. And one badass bitch. But none of that means anything unless you know who you want to be. Not what. But who.”
Ava sat listening to him and blinked away tears. She waited for a few seconds before calmly covering her face with her hands, letting the sobs come. Ruben pressed gently on her shoulder, letting her know it was OK. “Thank you.” She sniffled. “I guess I really needed that.”
“No problem. You know I’m always here if you need to chat. Maybe you should give yourself a break from training,” he said, giving her a mini nudge with his elbow before they both rose in unison.
“Thanks, Rube, I’ll be OK. I swear. I’ve just gotta get through shit. I want to focus on something that makes me happy. I hate my home life. I haven’t been able to see Jasmine since this happened. I’m on all these new meds and things just feel so fucked up. I’m kinda lost. Here is where things make sense.”
“If you don’t mind me asking, what are the meds for?”
“My parents brought me to this new doctor that I see once a week. Thing is, these drugs are seriously strong. They send me loopy. I think he’s trying some voodoo hypnotism shit. I can’t remember my treatments.”
“You know that shouldn’t happen, right? Have you told him they send you loopy?”
“Yup. He says it’s normal, but things should right themselves once my body gets used to them. Then he can cure me.”
“What?” Ruben snapped.
Ava rolled her eyes. “Oh, it’s not ‘like that’ apparently. ‘Help’ is the appropriate word.”
“Your parents are making you do this. Are you kidding me?”
Ava waved a hand. “Don’t worry. If my fucked-up parents want to waste thousands of bucks on this snake oil shit, let ‘em. The teacher that caught us conned my parents into believing he cured her back in the day. Whatever he’s doing can’t be sinking in with me though. I’m still a certified vagitarian, and none of his techniques, or whatever they are, are breaking through the meds he’s given me. I think the guy is a quack.”
Ruben creased his eyebrows slightly. “Just watch yourself, OK? If you ever need me, I’ll be there for you.”
“Sure,” Ava replied, giving him a reassuring smile. “Speaking of which.” She sniffed, looking at the clock behind him. “I’ve got another session with him in thirty minutes. Hope I make that bloody bus.”
“Don’t your parents drop you?” he called as she hurried towards the locker room for her things.
“I don’t talk to them!” she called back casually. She swiped her card at her locker door and pulled out her gym bag. She double checked the time as she fussed with the drawstring of her pants. A double knot, as tight as anything. Ruben’s playful jab about her cute, plump butt might have more truth than she realised. She gave up trying to undo it as a bad job. They were too tight. She couldn’t even get fingers in her waistband. “Fuck it.”
She’d have to do her session with Dr. Van Gould, then change and shower at home.
After racing out of the gym, Ava had to sprint to catch the bus, only just managing it after slapping the side to let the driver know she was there.
The bus ride wasn’t long, but it did give Ava time to reflect on what Ruben had said and where she was in her life. Definitely at a crossroads. She knew what she wanted, but did she know who she wanted to be?
One name popped into her head: her idol, Veronica Nash. That’s who she wanted to be. Someone that took life by the balls. Not only faced her dreams, but conquered them. Successful. Happy. The idea seemed so simple and yet so ludicrous at the same time. A Sydney girl making a big enough splash in MMA to win a world championship. She laughed at the thought and yet smiled too. It was a nice fantasy if nothing else.
She got off the bus and walked inside the practice with six minutes to spare. Thankfully, the doctor was free so she didn’t have to sit and wait. The bus ride had ensured that freaking double knotted string had caused her pants to cut into her hip bones and groin.As soon as I can, bigger freakin tights. And maybe stop squatting so much in the gym. Maybe.
He was waiting for her inside his office. “The lady is on time.” He smiled.