“I wasn’t.”
“Do not make things worse by lying and covering up for that scandalous whore.”
“Don’t call her that!”
Frederick slammed his fist down on the table so hard two glasses toppled and the plates shook. He raised a finger to the sky and let out a slow breath. “Don’t you dare tell me what I can and can’t do in my own house. I will call her what I damn well please, Jasmine. You think you know better than God? There is no misunderstanding here. She is evil. While there is breath in my lungs, you will never see her again. You are simply confused. I don’t understand how on earth you could be taken in like this, but I will find the help you need, like any good father should. You will accompany your mother and me to mass at St. Therese’s every week. Woe betide you if you utter a single word of complaint. Your choices led you here, and only the strict love of your family can get you out.”
Ava woke up feeling disoriented, unsure of how long she’d been out, but Van Gould was nowhere to be found. When she headed outside to the waiting area, her parents were the only ones waiting.
“How do you feel?” her father asked.
“Tired. Still gay. Sorry,” Ava spat.
Her father looked like he was going to reply, but her mother placed a hand on his chest. “Dr. Van Gould said this would take time. We just have to put our faith in him and the Lord. We’ve been praying since we came out,” her mother said, an air of hopefulness in her voice. “C’mon, let’s go home.”
“You know what? You go. I’d rather walk.”
“Oh, don’t be ridiculous.” Patricia made to grab Ava by the arm, but it was snatched away quickly.
“Don’t,” Ava murmured, her head spinning, so much so her father had to grab her to stop her from falling to the floor. “Don’t... touch... me...” she stammered through a sudden sharp pain in her temple, but the strong arms of her father at least ensured she wouldn't fall to the floor. “You’ll be alright, sweetheart. I promise.”
“It’s a side effect of the medication. Dr. Van Gould told us you’d be dizzy, but it will wear off soon. Every time will get a little easier,” her mother said.
Ava wanted to protest, but the room spun even faster until all went black.
4
Jasmine strolledalong the main table at the quarterly church picnic. This was her‘punishment’ for being caught with Ava. A new school. A new church. A whole new suburb. It was two months of torture, but maybe it was for the best. She just wished she could tell Ava that. She wished for a lot of things but ultimately to just hold Ava one more time.
Therein lay the problem. She felt worthless and alone. Was it because she didn't have Ava anymore? Or was this what she deserved to feel after what she had allowed to happen between them?
She reached into the pocket of her jeans and found her solace: a blade she'd removed from the razor used to shave her legs, her secret self induced punishment. Ava was gone. Jasmine was alone. Her parents hated her. It wasallher fault.
“One. Two! One. Two! One. Two!”
Ava threw her left and right fists with each call of the instructor, ex-MMA fighter turned personal trainer, Ruben Gary. But her efforts were sluggish. The crispness he’d said she’d developed had turned rubbery.
The class wasn’t advanced by any competitive means, being a local gym. But it was the best available and she had been the best of the lot. When class ended, Ava sat down with her legs crossed, trying to control her breathing. Ruben thanked a bunch of people, farewelling them, before stepping over to her.
“Hey there, babes. You ok?”
“Yeah...” Ava breathed, looking down, slowing her breaths. “Just tired, I think.”
“I’ll say. You’re swinging like a rusty gate lately. Even your kicks are off. Either those tights have shrunk or that cute booty is getting even more plump.” He laughed before assuming the same position on the floor. “You sure that’s it? You haven’t been yourself for ages now.”
“Just... life. It sucks at times. Right now, it can suck the chrome off a tank, but I’ll live. Thanks anyway, Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure.”
“Have you ever tried... um, not being gay?”
Ruben leaned back and leant his head to the side. “This a serious question?” But obviously, by the look on her face, he could see it was. “Babes, I am who I am. It’s all any of us can be.”
“Yeah, but when you came out, was it hard?”
“You know, I’m one of the lucky ones. My family knew before I did.”
“Did you feel guilty? Putting them through that?”