Ava gripped the fighting shorts in her hands and sat up, pressing them against her forehead as she sobbed out her sorrow for Jasmine, and most importantly, her gratitude. It was rare to find a love that burned through you, and she would never complain because she had. She would never regret loving Jasmine.
Love, though, would have to wait. All Ava could concentrate on was Veronica Nash, and love was the last thing she brought to mind.
27
“Excuse me,visiting hours are almost over,” came a voice from the hospital room doorway.
“I’m just going to put these by her bedside,” came the whispered response.
Ava turned in her bed, recognising that voice but not believing that she’d heard it until they locked eyes.
His movement forward was measured, guarded. Obviously not sure if he was welcome, he ventured closer. The expression on his face and the hands gripping the bunch of lilies he held betrayed him. He was as nervous as all hell.
“Daddy?” Ava asked, though unless this was a dream, she was certain it was him even though the years apart had changed William Beckinsale. He had grown greyer, and he sported an impressive five o'clock shadow. For one who had always been so meticulous in his grooming, this was a big surprise.
“Hi, sweetheart. May I?”
Ava nodded and gestured to one of the seats beside her bed. William took the seat and placed the flowers on her bedside table, adjusting the water jug to fit them.
“Was it you sending me these in America?”
William nodded.
“Why didn’t you send a note?”
“Because, after everything, I didn't think you’d want anything from me. But I hoped knowing someone was thinking of you would make you smile and it wouldn't matter who it was.”
“It did. You should’ve told me. I would’ve liked to know.”
William gave a slight nod of the head. “That would’ve been the best thing. How could I, though?”
“Easy. Pick up a pen and write.”
“I wanted to, honey. I did.”
“So why didn’t you?”
“Because I hoped you would just accept them, and maybe they’d make you feel better. If you knew they were from me, I... I guess I expected you to toss them. And I wouldn’t blame you for a second.”
Ava shifted in her bed. “I don’t know what to say.” It was true. What could she possibly say? She was hurt, angry and overwhelmed that her father was there after all this time, all in equal measure.
“Don’t say anything. Let me. Please. I’ve been rehearsing this for months. Let’s see if I can remember all of it.” William cleared his throat, but when he continued, he didn’t sound like he was repeating lines. The words he used were solemn, but held a sincerity that couldn’t possibly be faked. “I don’t know how to begin to apologise for what I’ve done. The part I played in making you run away. I was wrong. So wrong. I had it all backwards. I just... I wanted... ” His voice caught in his throat as he struggled to continue. “I thought I was doing the right thing. I swear. I wanted to protect you. I thought I was protecting you... from hell, when I should’ve been protecting you from that fucking monster.”
“Dad—”
“Wait, baby, please. I failed you. I know that now. It’s a father’s duty to protect his baby girl, and I didn’t. I let you believe there was something wrong with you, and that led you right into that animal’s office—”
“Dad!” Ava snapped, her emotions building along with her father’s. “Stop. You don’t get it. I don’t want you to protect me. I don’t need you to. I never did.” She let the tears fall down her cheeks, making sure to look her father directly into his own watery eyes. “I wanted you to love me.”
“I did, sweetheart,” William replied, his voice breaking, reaching out to hold her hand but she recoiled back. There was a moment of shock on his face, then despair. “I still do,” he finished meekly.
“It’s been years,” Ava sniffed. “I can’t just pretend that didn’t happen and play happy family again. You hurt me. You can’t just expect me to get over that. I need time.”
“I understand,” William replied, using the palm of his hand to remove the tears from his face.
“I suppose mum knows you’re here but is protesting by staying at home?”
William gave her a small, sad smile. “I have no idea what your mother is doing. We’re divorced.”