Ava’s jaw dropped. “Wha... why? When?”
“We were separated for a while, but the divorce became final a few months ago. I just couldn’t do it anymore.”
“Do what?”
“Pretend to be happy. Pretend that things were OK between us when all I wanted to do was find you and tell you that I loved you. I acted like everything was OK after you ran away. I believed your mother when she said she trusted that prick doctor hadn’t done anything wrong. I wasn’t there when he said he would be stimulating you. Your mother was. I was called in to work. When I came home that night, she told me he was confident he could help you, but the road would be tough. We all had to have faith that the Lord would help him lead us back to being a family. I didn’t probe like I should’ve. I had just lost my friend, one I’d had for over twenty years. I was angry. I was confused. I didn’t want to lose my daughter too. I wanted something to go right, for the ship to course correct. I wasn’t completely comfortable. I was skeptical. I wanted to be in the room with you. But...”
William stopped there, obviously unsure of how to finish that sentence, but Ava knew. It had been her choice for her parents to leave the room. She had been angry and confused as well. Those two, when combined, did not result in most people making the best choices.
“I’d ask you how things went after your sessions. Well, I tried to get you to talk to me.”
“I didn’t want to talk to you. I gave you the finger instead.”
William nodded gently. “Then you ran away. Again, I was at work. When I got home, your mother said she had talked with you. That you were refusing to come home and had moved in with two gay men. That all your progress with the doctor had been ruined.”
“Progress?”
“Her word, not mine,” William replied gently. “And we went on like that for almost twelve months. Not speaking about you, dealing with it in our own ways. I didn’t try to contact you for a while, trying to give you time to calm down. And then, when I did, your phone was disconnected. I couldn’t call or message.”
“I blocked both your numbers.”
“Further proof, to me anyway, you didn’t want me in your life. I had never felt so low, but I knew I had hurt you, and if you were happy, finally, that’s all I wanted.”
“So...?”
William gave a helpless shrug. “I couldn’t let you go just like that. I missed you. Your mother wouldn’t talk to me about you. So I went to the only place that I felt might have answers. I went to Van Gould. I wanted to find out if he knew where you were, had a current address or phone number maybe, and I asked him what happened that day and during your other sessions.”
“What did he say?”
“He told me everything like he was completely innocent. Like it was all a regular medical treatment. So I helped him decorate his office with a splash of red.”
It took a minute, but Ava finally asked what was in her head. “You hit him?”
The nod wasn’t one of pride, more an admission of guilt, but he continued, “I couldn't think. I just reacted.”
“I... so... OK... what happened then?”
“Told me he would see me in court. I told him I’d see him in court after I spread what he was doing to all the corners of the earth. Then he changed his tune. He said he would forget about the assault charge if I didn’t proceed with any legal action. That he had the financial muscle to destroy me with lawyers, buthewasn’t unreasonable.That we could both go our own ways and cool off. I told him to get fucked. And here we are.”
“Wait... you were the one that brought charges? The court case I heard about?”
“Not just me. One of his patients had already come forward when I went in to report him. They were already building a case. I didn’t protect you from him the first time. I know, I know. You don’t need me to protect you. But I should have, and I wanted you to know I want to make sure you get justice at the very least. The police and the prosecutors would like to talk to you about the case.”
Ava pressed her fingertips to her forehead, her mind going a million kilometres an hour. “So this is all you wanted to see me for? Why couldn’t you leave it alone?”
“What? Honey, this is your chance. Your testimony would be hugely beneficial in putting him away.”
“I’ve been struggling with this for so long. I tried to forget it. To move on. I realised I couldn’t just sweep it under the carpet, but I was dealing with it. My way. Slowly but surely. But it was done. I was safe. It was in the past where it belonged. Now, you’ve brought it up again. It’s here. It’s everywhere. HE’S everywhere...” her voice broke. Ava moved her gaze from his face to her feet. “I don’t want to deal with this again. It was over. I was fine! I was doing well.”
“Sweetheart... I’m so sorry.”
“Go away. Please.” She pressed her lips together and slowly turned her face away. It was a few seconds before she heard the chair move and William rise to his feet.
“I can’t know what it was like for you to experience that. Or all you’ve been through since. If you don’t want to be involved in the case, I understand. I do. I want to be a reason for you to be happy, not miserable. I’ll leave my number here. If you change your mind, or if you want to talk, about anything, anytime, I’ll be waiting.” He finished a little sadly. “You probably don’t believe this, but I love you.”
Those words hung in the air as Ava’s breath hitched, and she pressed her fingers to her lips. The memories she’d held back for so long broke through as her father left her alone. Had she been foolish to think it would go away? That it wouldn’t come back? All she wanted to do was move on but life wouldn’t let her.
Because it isn’t finished. She’d only thought she had dealt with it. She hadn’t really. As a defense mechanism, she’d tried to convince herself it didn’t happen. That it hadn’t been how she’d imagined or that she’d overreacted, and she’d thrown herself into fighting. But burying herself in training had only postponed dealing with what Van Gould had done to her, and now it had all come back.