“I’m not an old white guy with money and connections so I’d have to rely on my stellar record as a leader and a field agent and that doesn’t always get you as far as you’d think,” Atlas said with a hiss. “Not that I want to twist myself into knots and jump through all the political hoops to get there,” he continued as he got the door for Declan. “Right now, I’m happy running things in Chicago. And I’m more interested in seeing what other opportunities there are for me beyond climbing the career ladder.”
“Really?” Declan asked as he lowered into the backseat. His stomach did another somersault when Atlas winked at him before closing the door.
“I’ve been giving it a lot of thought since coming to Lake Cliff,” Atlas said as he got into the passenger seat and buckled his belt. “I talk to the director almost daily and he seems pretty miserable. Sloan seems to be having a hell of a lot more fun hanging out here with all of you.”
“If that isn’t the truth,” Denver said, offering his fist so Atlas could bump it.
Declan smiled and nodded along calmly, but he was secretly celebrating. His past or his family wasn’t holding Atlas back. Declan might just have a chance after all, and all it had cost him was one humiliating run to the lake to find out.
“Maybe I won’t kill Sage.”
ChapterSeven
Once upon a time, when Atlas was a junior agent, he’d found himself heading a dwindling team investigating a string of murders that had long gone cold. He spent two weeks single-handedly pouring through every file and reexamining every lead until he found the one thread that connected all the victims.
The FBI had already cleared the victims’ physical therapist, but it was Atlas who noticed that the therapist had an older brother with a record. The older brother liked looking into people’s windows. He ran errands and handled the custodial duties at his brother’s practice because he couldn’t keep a job anywhere else. Atlas was there when the suspect was apprehended and he got to give the press briefing after the confession had been signed.
Atlas hated giving press briefings because he wasn’t great at public speaking, but he couldn’t remember his nerves ever being this bad as he stared at the clothes laid out on his bed. He’d spent the last hour pacing in and out of his closet with the same two pairs of socks. Did he want the darker gray to blend in with the trousers he’d spent days agonizing over? Or did he want the argyle socks? They were teal and matched the cashmere v-neck Atlas’s mother said made him look too provocative for church.
The problem was, Atlas wasn’t sure if he wanted to be provocative. Yet. He saw how quickly things had escalated by the lake and sex was obviously the last thing on Declan’s mind after that run. But Atlas couldn’t help himself and it would have gotten lewd if Denver hadn’t arrived when he had. Then, they had been seated next to each other and Atlas had been too distracted to follow the many conversations happening around the table.
He was still by the lake and kissing Declan and Atlas grinned and blushed like a teenager every time their hands brushed. He had almost worked up the courage, but Declan surprised Atlas by asking first. Atlas was delighted and had accepted, but he was nervous and worried about Declan’s poor nerves by the time he returned to the city.
“This is why I don’t date,” he groaned, then stormed back into the closet to consider his shoes. He could skip the socks and wear loafers. It hadn’t rained in a few days and it was supposed to be a really nice evening. Atlas considered asking Declan to go for another walk and a smile spread across his face.
He chuckled as he imagined Declan’s reaction and tossed the gray socks back into the drawer. He’d wear the teal socks and he’d kiss Declan again if he got another chance, Atlas decided.
I have to. He was so damn brave.
Declan was an adorable wreck when he pulled Atlas into the hall after brunch, away from the action in the foyer and living room.
He looked like he was going to cry and Atlas was about to ask if he was alright when Declan pulled in a deep breath and sniffed hard. “I’m just going to ask before I chicken out. Would you like to come over for dinner this week? I’m free any day that works for you,” he said quickly, then squeezed his eyes shut as if he was expecting an explosion or laughter.
“I’d love to have dinner,” Atlas insisted, hoping to calm Declan, but probably sounding a touch desperate. “I’m off Friday so I can stay out a little later Thursday night,” he said.
Declan’s eyes lit up and a startled gasp burst from him. “Really? I know it’s a hassle driving out here from the city just for dinner. I mean, not that you couldn’t stay the ni—” He bit down on his lips as his face turned bright red. Atlas coughed to hold back a laugh and could feel his face getting hot as well.
“I don’t mind the drive, Dec.” He gave Declan’s shoulder a gentle punch. “That’s what audiobooks are for and I get to see you.”
“OK…” Declan’s eyes fluttered and he looked a little dizzy as his lips stretched toward Atlas’s.
“So, Thursday night?” Atlas murmured, his head lowering.
“Thursday night,” Declan agreed breathlessly.
Their lips touched and it was utterly perfect until Blake and Lane spilled out of the kitchen, slapping at each other like they were twelve-year-olds. Atlas caught Declan as he tripped into him and they both sighed in disappointment.
“I can’t wait,” Atlas told Declan with a wink before they parted.
He’d jinxed himself because the week had dragged for Atlas, despite getting to see Declan on Tuesday. Atlas had driven out to Lake Cliff to meet with Lavender and spent an hour next door afterward.
But he was still so nervous. Atlas tried to remember how specialthatwas. He had promised himself that if he had a chance to have what his parents had that he’d grab it with both hands. When he was a kid, Atlas’s father told him that if he ever met a girl who’s smile made him so nervous he couldn’t think straight, that she was the one and that that feeling would never go away as long as Atlas kept her smiling. At the time, Atlas was too afraid to tell his father that “the one” could have been a he or she or they, but he’d taken that advice to heart and was doing his best to listen to it.
As Atlas got older and braver, he found little ways to come out to his parents and they made it clear that they didn’t care who he loved as long as he was lovedwellin return. He told his dad about Declan and said that he was falling for a history teacher. His father had warned Atlas to stay on his toes and behave himself because Declan would be taking notes and would have the receipts if he didn’t, being a teacher.
He had even told his parentswhoDeclan was. But he had a feeling they’d love him even more and want to give him arealfamily regardless of whom Declan was related to. They just wanted him to start a family of his own and settle down in Chicago, instead of losing him to the Beltway. Atlas didn’t want to disappoint them if things didn’t work out with Declan and he had to move out east to get over him. That was the worst-case scenario, but Atlas liked knowing where all the exits were in the event of an emergency.
“That’s why we’re taking this slow and steady,” he reminded himself.