William smiled weakly, wishing that he could choke out a laugh or anything. Maybe he could convince his own body that he was okay despite the hole that was gnawed straight through his chest. “You are too easy,” he said. “Although very talented. That was beautiful.”
Lavinia mindlessly tapped on some keys. “May I play you something? I have been working on it for a week or so.”
“I would cherish nothing more.” William nodded, sitting down on one of the deep red couches of the sitting room. Lavinia took a breath and stilled herself before she began. Then, she hit the keys intensely, playing a song that twisted a pit in William’s chest. It was mournful like the last kiss or a final goodbye before the ship departs.
He placed a hand against his chest, hating the ache that tore at his ribs. Foolish games were made to be played by foolish people. He had let his ruse with Charlotte go on too long. He was the only one to blame for the ache he felt. He was certainly one of the bigger fools that had graced this earth. He’d gone off and fallen in love with Charlotte and now he was watching his heart break a little more with each passing hour.
In another world, perhaps they would have been able to run off together, living with and loving each other with nothing to bind them but their shared affection. She wanted to be free like that, and he wanted nothing more than to make her his. Anyone else might have had the foresight to recognize the disaster this would cause.
Charlotte was a liar, but she wasn’t a very good one. The only thing she’d ever said that he believed to be certain was that she would not marry. It was purely determination at this point, maybe some residual stubbornness. She would not surprise him. There was nowhere to go but down from here. Their time at the garden party was so bittersweet. He had desperately loved every moment he spent with her in the old mill, but he also knew that it would be the last time they touched. Charlotte and William were merely two strangers that had shared a detour on their way forward. This was never designed to last.
The music stopped. Lavinia spun around on the bench expectantly.
“That was lovely,” William admitted. “A lot of emotion.”
Lavinia giggled. “You seem to be at a loss for words,” she said.
She was right, and although a very accomplished player, it was no fault of her own. Charlotte was the reason for the burn in his chest.
“Indeed.” He couldn’t make eye contact with her. Every time he tried it felt so invasive, like she might somehow be able to read his mind. She was so good at that. Ever since they were younger, she was his one sister that had always seen something inside him that no one else could. He was eight years older than her. Their father was very generous and kind, but he was not very affectionate. William had always provided her a fatherly role whether he meant to or not, but now that they were getting older, the differences that used to separate them didn’t matter as much.
She was no longer his embarrassing little sister. He was proud of who she had become. She was so different to him. She was a bit more like their father, but that made her a much-needed force in William’s life. Sometimes he needed someone to sharply tell him things bluntly and succinctly. It hurt sometimes, but it was always what was best for him.
“The garden party was wonderful,” Lavinia said. “Was Lady Charlotte’s dress not the most beautiful?”
“Are you expecting any callers?” He asked, trying to change the subject to something that revolved around her. He didn’t want to talk about himself or Charlotte.
“Oh,” she paused, dusting the pianoforte off with her fingers. She pushed her long dirty blonde hair back over her shoulder. “I am hoping that the Duke of Holton stops by, although with so many beautiful girls this season, I am sure he will be busy making up his mind. He seems a good match for me. Do you agree?”
“A bit…” he blinked. “Severe.”
“You are one to talk,” she said, spinning around on the bench to face him. She leaned her elbows on her knees and rested her chin in her hands, a posture their mother would have found unladylike, although William didn’t care. “Miss Dawkes was the most severe woman I have ever met.”
He took a deep breath. “And that is how I know better. You need someone who can find the humor in the mundane.”
“Does Lady Charlotte?”
William’s heart pounded hard. “I am sorry?”
“Does Lady Charlotte find humor in the mundane?” She asked. “You always seem to be laughing when you are with her.”
“You are so insistent to speak of her,” he muttered.
“I will be very honest with you,” she said. “I would like to be an aunt.”
“Yes, well that will have to wait.”
“Why?” she asked. “Aren’t you going to ask her to marry you? If that is not love, then I do not know what is.”
“Love?” he sighed. “Come now, Lavinia.”
She leaned forward, her voice getting just louder enough to make William wince. “Not many of us are lucky enough to experience love. If you have found it, then you must not let it go.”
William’s hand shook. He looked down at them in his lap and tried to breathe deeply, but it came out strangled. “Lavinia, I insist you forget our courtship. I ended the arrangement this morning.”
There was a long pause in which Lavinia’s mouth hung slightly agape. Her eyes widened. “You ended it? Has she asked for such?”
“No.”