William’s heart constricted. At this point, he was desperate for things to go back to the way they were. They had been so happy, they had gotten carried away with their own emotions. “I love you, Charlotte. If I ever began this with other intentions, know that they have changed. If I must marry you to keep you in my life, then I…” his mouth hung open at the words. “I will. Happily.”
She looked at him before shaking her head harshly. “William, if I say no, will you forgive me?”
“That is definite?” he asked.
She paused, clenching her eyes shut. “I do not…I do not know!”
William stopped, his mouth hanging open. What bit the hardest was that if he was going to marry, Charlotte was the only woman he could imagine himself with. Octavia never gave him such a thrill. Never did her company feel like a strike of thunder, pulsing in every nerve, until he was wired and alive. There weren’t many people in the world that could do that. He’d found his one, and she had so bitterly rejected him.“I cannot wait for another woman to decide my fate for me,” he said, his chest bubbling with frustration. “If you do not know, then we might just leave it there,” he said.
“Are you ending our courtship,” she asked, her eyes glassy.
“You cannot expect me to wait for you to make up your mind, especially not after my last engagement.” He paused. “I will state my intent to end the courtship to your brother.”
She shrugged lightly, as if she meant to convince him that she was unaffected by his decision, but even he knew better. Her eyes were glassy like they might overflow at any moment. She folded her hands in her laps and sat very still, eyes glued on the ground between them.
He snatched the reins of his horse and walked up the gravel drive. She sat, head down, on the edge of the fountain looking just as distraught as the woman on the cover of her book. She thumbed through the pages absentmindedly, fingers shaking in the summer heat.
Eyes on the path ahead, William continued. If this was to be the last time that he saw Charlotte, then he would cauterize the wound right now. He carefully tied his horse off to the front railing. When he arrived at the front door, he knocked. A butler opened the door and welcomed him inside.
“Does the Earl of Pemberton have a moment to spare?”
The butler bowed and escorted William down the hallway, past the study where he first came to court her. Little did he know, he was setting himself up for a greater wound than Octavia.
Once they arrived at the study, the butler knocked and announced William’s presence. Soon, the door opened, and Benedict smiled, reaching to shake his hand. Faking a smile hurt even more.
“Benedict, my friend,” he said. “How are you this morning?”
He lifted a palm in the air as if to half-heartedly shrug. “Did you see my sister?”
“I passed her, yes.” William closed his eyes, trying not to focus too much on the pain bubbling in his chest. “That is actually what I came to talk to you about.”
Benedict laughed uncomfortably, scratching the back of his neck. “You began courting her the day after you met. If you have come to ask for her hand, then it is too soon, I am afraid.”
“Quite the opposite,” he said. “Regrettably, I have come to put an end to our courtship.”
Benedict blinked hard, before sitting down at his desk and leaning back. He seemed shaken as if such words were the farthest thing expected from William’s mouth. He folded his hands on his lap and stared. “Pardon?”
“I intend to end the courtship, Pemberton.”
A nervous laugh. “I do not understand.”
“You did not understand when it began, either. I am telling you that this is what has been decided. As happy as we might have seemed, these moments were fleeting. I hold no ill will against your sister, but this is the way it will be. The match no longer serves us,” William explained, swallowing back his own anger. He had thought everything through expect for where this would leave him. Everyone would go back to pitying him and looking at him as if he were so broken he couldn’t even keep a woman. Octavia left him, and even though no one would ever find out, Charlotte left him too. He was nothing but a thrill to either of them.
“What happened?”
William opened his mouth, but what he wanted to say was nowhere near what he should say. Charlotte didn’t want to marry him after all. She had decided she’d be happier without him. It was exactly what he’d expected, so why did it hurt so much? “Your sister and I do not have compatible aspirations.”
“This is regrettable news,” Benedict finally sighed, staring at the surface of his hardwood desk. “I will break the news to her this afternoon.”
William bowed. “And I will take my leave. I wish nothing but the best to your family,” he said, his heart twisting and pulling like it might just never stop. He wanted Charlotte to find happiness even if that meant a life without him. It seemed he may have subjected himself to a similar fate. Whatever this feeling was, it seemed to say that there would never be another that would hold up a mirror to Charlotte.
It was over. He left the estate.
* * *
Lavinia’s fingers danced over the keys of the pianoforte, trailing up and down the length of the ivories. She didn’t play sheet music anymore. She was so unusually talented that every time she played for enjoyment, she could create a most pleasing song without even trying.
As she played the last few notes, William began to clap, causing her to spin around. “Good heavens!” She shouted, clutching her heart. She stared down her older brother. “I thought I was alone.”