When she finally looked up at me, her eyes were filled with regret and sorrow. It made my heart crack.
"I didn't set out to hurt you, Sam. I know that I did, and I'm sorry for that."
I arched a brow. "I've heard those lines before. I'm pretty sure I said them to you."
"I guess that's why I understand why you don't believe me. When you left five years ago, it destroyed my belief in love, my ability to trust."
I stiffened. I felt the guilt that I always did, but also annoyance that she would be throwing it in my face.
"It's been no secret that since you've come back, I've been trying to keep a wall between us,” she finished.
"No. That's been obvious."
"But the more time we spent together, the harder it has been to keep that wall up."
"I think you said something about worming my way into you."
She nodded. "That's why I went to New York. I couldn't keep you out any longer, and of course, I planned to tell you about the baby."
I swore I could see hope in her eyes. But I didn't like feeling that she was here only because she couldn’t any longer keep me out. I wanted us to be together because she wanted me.
"Why are you here, Kate?"
She looked up at me, and I could see a tug-of-war going on in her eyes. But I couldn’t be sure which side was winning.
"It's always been you too, Sam."
CHAPTERTHIRTY
Kate
My stomach was in knots, and it wasn't because of the baby. I was scared to death that Sam wasn't going to care about anything I told him.
Over the last few days, after seeing him on the beach, I told myself that I had achieved my goal. I had protected my heart. But I was only lying to myself.
Everyone had been right. Happiness had been right in front of me, if only I'd reached out and grabbed it. For a time, I felt like I had or was starting to, but then upon seeing Sandra, I was immediately transported back five years when Sam broke my heart and shattered my dreams.
There was no guarantee that it wouldn't happen again, but Lucy had been right that the happiest I’d been in a long time had been with Sam over the last couple of months. I also had to admit that the problems now were of my own making because of my fear. Because even after five years, reliving the day he left was painful.
When I showed up at his home to tell him about the appointment, I hoped I would have the courage to tell him everything. But now he was the one with the wall, and I wasn't confident I could stand up to it the way he’d tried to stand up to mine.
His green eyes studied my face after making my declaration that he was the only one for me too. I had hoped that my words would have broken through, but they hadn't.
"Because I wormed my way inside?" he asked.
My brow furrowed, not understanding what he was asking.
"Despite your best efforts, you couldn't keep me out?" he clarified.
I didn't want to affirm that because clearly, it irked him.
"I don't want you here, Kate."
The words slashed my heart in two. I stepped back on unsteady legs, wishing I could run out the door but not sure I would make it before my knees buckled.
"I don't want somebody who's here only because despite their best efforts, they couldn't keep me out. I know I hurt you, Kate, but I don't think I gave up my right to be loved fully, without any hang-ups or conditions."
It took a moment, but the meaning of his words finally clicked into place.