When I arrived at the Sea Siren, I went back to my office planning to use the pregnancy kit once I got settled in for the day. But once I started working, I left the kit in my purse. The truth was, I didn't want to know the answer if it meant I was pregnant.
Midmorning, Lucy came into my office. "I'm reporting for duty."
I looked up at her, not knowing what she was talking about.
"You said you were going to New York. So I am here to learn what I need to do to help keep the Sea Siren profitable while you're gone."
"Where are the kids?"
"They’re with Harper and Noel. Kira and Mo get along really well."
"But now they have two tiny babies."
"I have every confidence that they can handle it. Besides, Harper agrees that your going to New York with Sam is a good idea. So, she's willing to help out too."
I put my elbows on my desk and scraped my hands over my face.
"What's wrong?" She sat down in the chair in front of my desk. "Have you changed your mind?"
"I don't know. Ethan was right. I don't know what happened with Sandra. To be honest, I don't want to know."
She nodded. "Ignorance is bliss. But not a very good way to start a new relationship."
"I don't want a relationship."
She arched a brow, clearly not believing me.
I sat back in my chair, blowing out a breath. "Okay, so I would love to have everything that Sam and I had five years ago, but we can't do that. Knowing that he could walk out on me at any moment, I'd be an idiot to fall for him again."
Her head tilted to the side and her expression turned sympathetic. "Sounds like maybe you've already fallen again. In which case, maybe it's time you ask him about Sandra and his child. Knowing you, you’re thinking the worst."
She wasn't wrong. Still, I didn't like her calling me out on it. "It's not like he hasn't given me a reason not to trust him."
"Do you know what Ethan did when I told him I was pregnant? Mind you, I was already head over heels with him. I was having to deal with the fact that I was in love with my husband, who only married me to win his grandfather's favor. Within a year, he was planning to divorce me."
I had known that Lucy and Ethan had some troubles early in their relationship, but I didn't know the details. Lucy and I generally shared everything, but I think she withheld some information because Ethan was my brother. She would be the type of woman who didn't want to sour my opinion of him, particularly, knowing he was the only person in the world I had, except for her.
"He told me that a baby wasn't in our plan. Of course, I felt like the biggest idiot in the world."
"You're not being an idiot to fall for your husband. Or for Ethan. He was a man focused on one thing at that time. But he came around, didn't he?" I wasn’t sure why she was sharing this story.
She nodded. "But considering his reaction, I would've been well within my rights to not take him back. And in some ways, Ethan was like you, closed off to the possibility of love. But then he let all that go, and he and I have a really good life now. You and Sam could have the same."
"You don't know that. The situation isn't the same.”
"God, Kate. Sam loved you. He didn't want to leave you. He was in a tough position, and clearly, he made the wrong choice. It's written all over his face that he knows it. I didn't have that when I told Ethan about the baby. I told the man I was in love with that I was having his baby, and his response was that it wasn't our plan. You're right, it's not the same. When Ethan came to me, I had no reason to believe that he loved me. Hell, even after I had taken him back, your grandfather called, and Ethan left me thinking that he had put that stupid goal above me again." She sighed. "Love requires forgiveness and trust and faith. You have to want it and be willing to work for it. I know that what Ethan said to you last night has probably put doubt in your mind. But you have to remember that he says these things because he loves you and he doesn't want you to be hurt. He doesn't want you to become more closed off than you already are."
I arched a brow. "You don’t mind if I get hurt?"
She pursed her lips at me. "Of course, I don't want you to get hurt. But I'd rather you live life fully and experience hurt than to live like you are now and not experience love and happiness. I'm telling you, Kate, love is worth the risk. The universe has given you and Sam a second chance, and in the spirit of Thanksgiving, you should be thankful for that."
What I wanted was to go back to living my old life, building my business and living on my own terms. Maybe I wasn't blissfully happy like Lucy, but I wasn't unhappy. "I appreciate what you're trying to do here, but I need to find my way through all this on my own."
"You see, that's the point, Kate. You are not alone. Yes, ultimately, you need to make your own decision, but you don't have to do it alone. You have me. You have Ethan. You have Harper and Anne and Lane. You don't think all of us didn't go through some bullshit in trying to make a life with the men we love?"
I hated that my eyes started to water. Lucy was calling me out on my cowardice.
She blew out a breath. "You know I say all this because I love you."