I shook my head, even though a part of me wasn’t against the idea. Five years ago, I’d wanted everything that Ethan and Lucy had. But that dream was gone, I reminded myself.
Pulling together my feminist outrage, I glared at him. "But that doesn't mean I couldn't do it. You're sounding very old-fashioned, Ethan."
He sighed as he took his hand back. "I think you're plenty capable, Kate. I just don't think you're emotionally ready."
"Ethan. Let's have a nice meal.” Lucy pursed her lips at him.
He sat back, looking from Lucy to me and back to her. "Fine. Since she's probably not pregnant, we don't need to talk about this. But let's say she was pregnant. You would still be refusing to talk about this. That's your M.O., Kate. Don't talk about anything unpleasant. For the life of me, I can't understand why you’re even spending time with Sam after what he did to you and the way you still resent him. The only thing I can think of is that you don't talk about anything in your past. You probably haven't asked him what the hell is going on with the woman he left you for. Has he even mentioned his daughter?"
The answer to that was no. And the reason for that was exactly as Ethan was speculating. I didn't want to know about it. "What good does it do to hash out the past? It doesn't change what he did."
"The past impacts your present." He had a tone that suggested I was being an idiot. "You've always been careful and guarded because of the way Grandfather treated you. After Sam left and then Grandfather disowned you, you completely cut yourself off emotionally. That’s the past impacting the present. Now, maybe you and Sam are just having some sort of fling, but if that's the case, you should end it, Kate, because he’s still in love with you. And despite what he did to you, it isn't right to fuck with his heart."
"You don't know how she's feeling." Lucy came to my defense. She looked at me. "Yes, you're being careful, but I saw the two of you the other night up at Dane and Bridget's house. You have an affection for him."
"Then that’s all the more reason to clear up everything in the past and the present. Are you ready to be a stepmother to his daughter? And again, we haven't heard anything about this kid. What does that say about the kind of father he is? Where's the other woman in all this? Did he leave her high and dry too?"
Ethan was right. I had no idea what was going on with Sandra and Chelsea. Was Sam playing me? If he was, he was a really good actor.
"Which is it, Ethan?" Lucy demanded. "He's in love with her or he's a man who loves ’em and leaves ’em? He can't be both."
He held his hands up in surrender. "All I'm saying is that Kate and Sam need to put everything out on the table."
"He knows where I stand." I picked up my water, drinking it, hoping the cool freshness would settle my stomach and my irritated nerves.
"Does that mean you're not going with him to see his family for Thanksgiving?"
Ethan's brows rose. "What?"
Lucy nodded. "Sam asked her to go to New York for Thanksgiving. I think she should go."
Ethan looked at me. "Is that true? Are you going?"
I had told Sam I would go, but as expected, I was having second thoughts about it.
"It will be the perfect opportunity to do exactly what you want her to do. They can resolve any issues from the past. It could alleviate any doubt that she's having—"
"That is if there's nothing to doubt him for,” Ethan quipped.
That was the million-dollar question.
"So, are you going?" Ethan asked.
"I told him I would."
"Ethan." Lucy interrupted whatever he might say, which was probably going to be something likedo you think that's wise?“Kate is capable of running her own life."
"I just don't want to see you get hurt. I don't want to see you withdrawing more into yourself than you already have."
I mustered a smile. "I'll be fine." I poked my fork at the chicken and put the piece in my mouth, praying that it didn't come back up. "Now, can we talk about something more pleasant? Maybe you can tell me if our cousin has run the Wheatly business into the ground."
As I headed home from dinner, the conversation about Sam ran through my mind in an endless loop. I was losing the battle protecting my heart, and yet Ethan was right. There was a lot I didn't know about Sam and what happened with Sandra and his daughter.
I woke up the next morning after a fitful sleep. The first thing I did was rush to my toilet and dry heave. Lucy's pregnancy talk immediately came to mind. I sat on the bathroom floor, telling myself it couldn't be possible... and yet, redoing the math, my period was late.
Surely, that was stress, right?
Knowing I couldn't sit on the floor of my bathroom all day, I got myself up, showered, dressed, and out the door to work. On the way, I stopped by a pharmacy and picked up a pregnancy test.You're being ridiculous, Kate. Still, it was better to know for sure. I needed confirmation that I wasn't pregnant.