“Ria. I fucked up. I’m not going to make excuses for myself because you’re right. I absolutely should have known that you wouldn’t just leave me like that and that something happened to you. Instead, I let my fear of abandonment take over and believed in the idea they planted--that you left me and I wasn’t enough. But I never stopped looking for you. I had every intention to beg for a chance to prove myself to you once I found you, so I kept searching.”
He scoots closer to me on the bed until he’s close enough to draw me into his arms, and he does. I’m stiff as a board but it doesn’t deter him. He caresses my hair and back with his palms.
“I meant what I said to you, Ree––Ria. I will follow you to the ends of the earth because in case you forgot, you’re it for me. Always have been, always will be. You and Adrian are everything to me.” His arms tighten protectively until I’m cocooned in his warmth. “I am so sorry, baby. I know I have a lot to make up for. It was––is, my job to protect you. And I failed. I will not fail again. I promise you I will do everything to get you and Adrian out of here, safely. I want us to be a family. As soon as this case is done, I’m done with the bureau. I will find another job, something safe and secure. I will do anything and everything for you. Please believe in that. In me. I will wait for you, no matter how long it takes to forgive me.”
I rest my forehead on his chest, pressing my palms into my eyelids to stop the tears from gushing out. But I lose myself in his embrace and once again, he rocks me against his chest. My arms snake around his waist of their own accord and I cling to him like a raft in a river. Willing myself to feel safe, I try to remember what that feels like.
He holds me for a while and I don’t remember when but somehow, we end up on our backs. I’m bawling my eyes out, trying to find an outlet for all the emotions threatening to pull me under, and hoping that somehow this helps ebb the pain, fear, and anger.
But nothing happens.
The anger remains, and the fear increases.
The pain continues to have its hold on me, nearly suffocating me with its weight.
Ipull the covers over a sleeping Ria.
My chest tightens, remembering her cutting words and the way she shook as she cried herself to sleep in my arms. I love this woman with everything I have.
I meant what I said to her. I’m finishing this job and then I’m done.
My job cost me her love, but it will not cost me her life or Adrian’s.
As soon as we catch Sotnas and figure out who the mole is, I’m getting them out of here and doing everything I can to earn back her trust.
With one last lingering look at my sleeping wife and child, I grab the baby monitor and quietly leave the room.
I tip my head towards the bedroom where I pass Agent To, a signal for her to keep an eye and ear out. She has night duty and is setting up in the living room to start her shift.
It’s merely a formality at this point, just an added measure to help Ria feel safe.
I’ve already swept the perimeter several times today and so has Gabe.
We alternate every two hours to ensure that nothing goes awry, considering we are operating with a much smaller team than normal.
A week ago, when I took over, I ran everyone’s credentials.
Mina To and Ben Walker seemed like the safest options.
Upstanding records, both single, and both determined to move up the ranks of the agency.
And of course, clean financials.
Nothing that would allude to a payout by Sotnas for intel.
So I called my boss, who still owed me for what he did to me and to my family.
He didn’t agree at first, livid that I was even in the know and that I was here.
It turns out Gabe couldn’t handle the guilt and orchestrated Ria to have an “out” day so I would bump into her on my way back from another assignment.
To say he was in a lot of trouble would be an understatement.
But in the four years I’ve worked at the bureau, I’ve managed to make quite a few connections, including some very powerful ones. I’ve been incredibly lucky in my career. A year into being an agent, I was assigned as backup to a case involving a few senators who were being blackmailed after their personal computers were hacked. As a rookie agent, I was given the task of going through the paperwork to assist the lead agent on the case and that’s when I stumbled on the link and was able to conclude who was behind the hack and blackmail. Since then, I’ve quickly gone up the ranks and even been awarded the FBI Medal of Valor by the Secretary of Defense. There was no way my boss could say no to my demands after I pulled the Secretary of Defense card.
My demands were simple: Four agents, including myself and Gabe.
At this point, betrayal or not, I needed someone I could trust with my family. He had kept them safe for this long, I’ll give him credit there.