* * *
I get to the clubhouse, and the first thing I do is run straight to my room, Hoodrat’s sitting by the door, and when he sees me, he puts his hand out to shake.
It’s the most he’s done since we’ve brought Beretta back to the hospital. I don’t know what happened today with the two of them, but I’m glad he’s not still staring at me like he hates me.
“She had a fuckin’ meltdown at Mamie’s. She’s not talkin’ to me about it, but she did stop crying. She’s sleeping right now. I’m sorry you guys are going through this.”
“Thanks, man. I owe you.” I take a step toward the room, but he stops me with a hand to the chest.
“She’s sleeping, and I’m not going anywhere. Why don’t you go down to Boss and fill her in on the drop? I’m sure once you get in there with Beretta, you’re not going to want to leave her side.”
“No, I don’t think I ever will again,” I say, looking at my door, knowing that the woman I love is behind there hurting.
“Yeah, she said as much,” Hoodrat replies, and when I look at him, there’s a ghost of a smile on his lips. “We can discuss all that shit later. Go talk with Boss, so you can come back up here and deal with your woman.
I shake Hoodrat’s hand again and rush over to Boss’ office. I knock on the door, and she tells me to come in.
“Hey,” her face falls into one of sympathy when she sees me. I want to tell her to wipe that shit off her face, but I won’t talk to my president like that.
“Hey, I need to let you know about the drop.”
She nods and sits back in the chair, “Seeing as you don’t have any packages with you, I’m assuming something went wrong?”
“Yeah, the asshole never actually showed up. We waited for well over forty minutes after the time he was supposed to be there, but there was no communication, nothing.” I hate that our time was wasted on that shit.
“Fuck, okay. I guess that’s the last time we’re going to work with them.”
“Yeah, but that wasn’t the strangest part of the run.” I shove my hands in my pocket and try to recall all the details that I can about the group of people in the white robes. It’s obvious to me they were trying to get the homeless girl to come with them. As I explain it all to Boss, her eyes get wider and wider in surprise. We shouldn’t be having the same problems with this cult. They should be in the wind, but if it’s them, there’s no way that we can just let them continue to try and pick people off the street.
“Goddammit. I hope to fuck we’re not dealing with the same group.” She leans back in her chair and closes her eyes for a second.
“Okay, this is what we’re going to do. I’m going to put out some feelers and see if we can get any more information about any disappearance or anything in that area. It could be them, or it could be a bunch of copycats. Either way, I want to know everything.”
She looks off to the side before she stands up and comes to where I’m standing. “You, though, need to go be with Beretta. I’ll get Reno to fill me in on anything else.”
I know she’s right, and even though I’m desperate to get to my woman. I also don’t want to see her. I don’t want to see that hurt in her eyes. I don’t want to relive this pain, but if she has to, then so do I.
“All right, Boss. Let me know if you need anything.”
She nods and dismisses me.
I make my way to my room. When Hoodrat sees me coming, he moves away from the door.
When I walk into the room, Beretta’s in the middle of my bed curled up, her face buried in her arms. I kick off my shoes and take off my jacket before I climb into bed with her. She goes stiff for a second until I wrap my arms around her waist and bury my face in her neck. I inhale her sweet scent and try to force some of the strength I have in my body into her. I just want her to be okay. I want her to know that I’m here for her.
“She’s gone . . . Muffler. Oh god. Our baby is gone,” she croaks and turns in my arms. When I see the tears pour from her red-rimmed eyes, I lose my own composure. I pull her against my chest and let her cry, her tears soaking my plain shirt while my own tears stream down my face for the child that we never got a chance to meet.
We both wanted it so badly, but life had another plan for us.
CHAPTEREIGHT
Beretta
It’s been two weeks since I’ve been home. Two weeks since the doctor told me that there were parts of my memory that I didn’t have anymore. Two weeks since I found out that a part of me was forever missing.
Muffler has been doing his part in keeping my spirits up, and even though we don’t talk much about the cause or fault of what happened, I know he’s in just as much pain as I am.
I know things like this happen. I’m not the first woman in the world to have a miscarriage, and I’m not going to be the last. Still, something about losing her makes me feel incredibly alone. Now that it’s time to go for the doctor’s appointment, I have some questions that I want to ask him about my body and when I can start trying for another child.