“Don’t be such a hater.”
“I’m not. I mean it. You guys look good together.”
“You and Giada do too. Honestly, you did a good job getting that girl.” I sit back just as the server comes back with the food. My stomach grumbles immediately, and I dive in.
Hoodrat does the same, but as I’m eating, I watch his face. Even though he isn’t saying anything, his expression gets more and more serious.
“If you tense your face up anymore, you’re not going to be able to open your mouth to get the food in.” I take a sip of my drink and push my plate away. “What are you thinking about now? You know you can always talk to me,” I say, and he scrubs a hand down his face.
“I know. It’s just I really wasn’t prepared for this. My whole life, I’ve been completely against anyone in the club trying to mess with you. I know what we get into. I know what kind of people we are around like you said, and I don’t want that for you.”
“I know. Trust me, I know it. I didn’t go after him thinking I was going to do the opposite of what you wanted for me. It honestly just happened, and I can’t be sad about it. I know Muffler will protect me. I know he cares for me.”
I’m praying with everything I have that he understands and just lets this gripe go.
He sighs and closes his eyes tightly before he opens them again and looks at me. “Giada is my everything. When the shit hits the fan and the times get rough, I want that woman by my side. She’s my forever. I know that in my soul. No doubts or questions. Do you feel the same way about Muffler? Is that what you want with Muffler?”
“Yes, that’s what I want with him. I want the entire happily ever after. The marriage, the arguments, the vacations, and the bills. I want it all. Most importantly, I want the babies.” I smile, but then the same uneasy feeling I had back at the clubhouse hits me like a sledgehammer.
The baby.
Hoodrat’s face is almost stark white now. He’s so pale. Everyone seems to have the same reaction whenever I talk about babies.
Somethingiswrong.
I press my hand to my stomach, and a spark of memory comes flashing into my mind. Me in the hospital bruised and bandaged, my hand pressed against my stomach in the same way I have it pressed against it now.
I lost the baby.
“Oh my god. She’s gone? No . . . oh god.” A screaming river of emotions runs through me, and I sob for the child I thought I had. The baby that no one wanted to tell me I lost. I can’t even blame them. Who’d want to tell me something as horrible as this?
“Shit, Beretta. I’m so sorry. That’s why we didn’t want to let you know. We didn’t want to put it in your face. I’m so fuckin’ sorry,” Hoodrat apologizes, and instead of making me feel even the slightest bit better, it only breaks me down worse.
“I’m sorry, the baby didn’t make it . . .”Words whispered from someone in the past echo in my mind.
This pain is unlike anything I’ve ever felt before.
I was so excited to bring this new life into the world, and now it’s just gone, and I can’t even remember how it happened. I don’t know whether it was something I did or something someone else did.
The tears and complete agony don’t stop, and I barely recognize the fact that Hoodrat’s paying and moving me out of the restaurant. I cry so hard and long that when the cold air outside the restaurant hits me, I throw up everything I just ate.
My legs feel numb underneath me, and my head pounds with every step I take.
The pain.
Hoodrat jumps into action, picking me up and getting me into the truck to hopefully take me back to the clubhouse.
I don’t say another word to him, but every once in a while, as we drive back to the clubhouse, Hoodrat tells me how sorry he is.
I don’t want to accept it, but I know it’s true. My childisgone.
Everything in my mind seems so muddy now, but there are two things I know for sure. His sorrows aren’t going to bring my baby back, and there’s more to my lost memories than what everyone is telling me.
I’m going to find out one way or another.
CHAPTERSEVEN
Muffler