Theo barks a laugh, gesturing for me to stand the couch vertically. Shit… where the hell is Nico when you need him?
“You sound like Shawn and Jack. You know they ask us to babysit Josh at least twice a month? They think taking care of the devil will get Thalia’s maternal instinct going.” He steadies the couch when it wobbles, threatening to fall on top of his head. I doubt he’d come out of that without at least a snapped spine. “So far, all it does is make me want to get a vasectomy.”
The Duracell Bunny has nothing on Josh. He stirs hell everywhere all at once, even when he’s not actually in the room. Our eldest brother, Shawn, adopted the little man with his husband, Jack, shortly after Theo and Thalia’s half-assed wedding ceremony at the highly reputableViva Las Vegas Wedding Chapel. What a fucking joke. I was ready to kick his ass when he sent a photo of him and his bride standing outside said reputable establishment to the Hayes brothers’ group chat.
Josh was fifteen months old at the time. Last week, he turned three, and he’s got more energy in his index finger than a bucketful of Red Bull. It might be the reason why I love the kid so much. I’m the favorite uncle, closely followed by Cody—my youngest brother and one-third of The Holy Trinity, as I like to call the triples. Cody, who lets Josh get away with murder. The other two, Colt and Conor, steer clear, busy chasing pussies as they should. They’re nineteen, sophomores in college and living their best lives.
“We could do with another baby in the family,” I say, maneuvering the couch back to a horizontal position. It’s too tall to fit through the door upright. “You’re not getting any younger. Get to work and aim for a girl, alright?”
“Says you?” Theo smirks. “You’re older than me, Logan. You’rethirty. And I don’twant a daughter. Shit, imagine raising a girl in this day and age. I’d need to dig a basement and lock her in there until she turns eighteen.”
A burst of laughter seesaws past my lips. “You’re delusional. She’s got six uncles ready to gut any asshole who dares to disrespect her, Theo. Don’t worry, we’ve got her.”
“I’m delusional? You’re talking like she’s just behind the wall, sleeping in a crib. She doesn’t fucking exist, bro. You’ve gotnothing!”
With a grunt and a heave, he braces against the opposite wall, forcing the couch inside the guest bedroom. We both freeze at the sound of fabric ripping. A sound that foretells marital trouble. No sex for a week if I’m to venture a guess.
I don’t want to be here when Thalia sees the tear. And I don’t want to be here when the time comes to drag the sofa back out, so my phone will be switched off tomorrow.
Theo spins on his heel, marching back to the living room. “My reproduction schedule is none of your goddamn business. If you want a baby girl in the family, go and fucking make one.”
“With my hand? Highly unlikely.”
“Too much information.” He cringes but amusement tugs at his vocal cords too. Even though he’s grown up and domesticated, there’s still an immature side to him that likes to rear its head every so often. “It’s about time to replace the hand with a girl, don’t you think? You want me to set you up? Thalia’s got plenty of friends. You could pick and choose.”
I do pick and choose.
Well, notI,per se. Theo, Nico, and our two buddies, Toby and Adrian, chose for me. They’re too creative for their own good trying to find a woman who’ll saynoto me. They’ve been at it every Saturday for two months, choosing girls from each end of the spectrum. I’ve wooed them all: tall, short, plump and thin; older, younger, loose and conservative. Despite having to buy me a watch of choice each time they lose the bet, they aren’t giving up. Not the brightest bulbs in the box.
Enough women moaned my name, and enough women ogled me as if I’m sex on a stick to make their words ring true… I am, as most of them put it,irresistible. As dumb as that sounds. It doesn’t matter how uptight the woman is. I can charm the panties of a nun if I put my head to it.
At first, the guys chose between pretty, feisty teens and pretty, naïve twenty-something year-olds. The bets spiraled downhill from there when they started choosing the not-so-pretty ones.
I should probably stop this nonsense.
I’mthirtyand have been for a couple of months now, but damn. I don’t have anything better to do with my life.
Is it my fault all the best girls are taken? I should’ve settled down a few years ago when the easy-going, pretty, and smart girls were still available, but back then, I thought with my cock, not my brain. Although considering the bets, I still think mostly with my cock, I guess.
“It’ll happen when it’ll happen,” I say, not keen on discussing the subject. “I’m fine as I am for now.”
We continue to clear out the living room. For some reason, it seems smaller without the furniture, which isn’t usually the case while I oversee the builds at work. Maybe because I’ve not seen most of those spaces furnished, so I’ve got no comparison. Last year, Theo traded his cozy condo for a four-bedroom house with a big garden and a pool. He should really put a few kids in those spare bedrooms.
The catering company arrives half an hour later, wheeling in trolleys brimming with food. Some set camp in the kitchen; others move outside where the BBQ is ready and waiting. The logo on their aprons is that of Nico’s restaurant,The Olive Tree, which he owns in part with Adrian. It used to be Nico and Jared’s, but since shit hit the fan a over a year ago, Nico paid Jared off and appointed Adrian as his business partner.
He then appointed Thalia as head chef. And what a good choice that was. The restaurant quickly became the must-go-to place in Newport Beach thanks to the Greek specialties she introduced. She’s a fantastic cook. Useless with cakes, though.
“Right, I need your opinion because I kind of lost the battle.” Theo leads me outside so he can grab a smoke. If you ask him, he doesn’t smoke. At least not in front of his wife. “Thalia invited Cassidy. You think I should give Nico a heads up?”
“Why? Because she’s friends with Kaya?”
Theo cringes at the sound of the unspeakable name, and a knife opens in my pocket too when I recallthatnight.
The murderous rage flashing across Nico’s face as he stormed out of the employee changing room at the Country Club, where he caught his best friend of twenty years nailing hisgirlfriendof seven months. Deep down, Nico knew Jared did him a favor taking the crazy bitch off his hands, but she was the first and, so far, the only woman he ever dated. All my brothers think Kaya’s betrayal impacted Nico most, but I know losing his best friend hurt him more. That’s not to say he took Kaya’s cheating lightly. Hecared about her on some level. He had to, or else he wouldn’t have lasted seven months.
No sane person would.
I never met a woman so toxic. So manipulative. So fucking persuasive. She wrapped Nico around her long, manicured finger making him dance to every tune she played. And she played a lot of tunes to flesh out, fuel and nurture his flaws, compulsive overprotectiveness, jealousy, and rowdy temper. He always had a short fuse, but Kaya turned it to eleven.