“Maybe that’s what I always knew,” Violet whispered. “Maybe that’s why I always stayed away from this kind of thing. Because I knew it would cost this. Because I knew it would take a fight.”
“Because you always knew that what you wanted was something big. Something real. You didn’t want what your parents had.”
“No,” she said. “I want what you and Dad have.”
“Then don’t give up. Love isn’t fifty-fifty,” Alison said. “Love sometimes requires that you carry the person that you want to be with through hard times. And they should do it for you when you need it. But it’s not about keeping score. In the end, when you find the person that you’re supposed to be with, you hope it’s a whole lifetime. And if you plan on keeping a scorebook for a whole lifetime...”
“You can’t,” she said.
“No,” Alison said. “Not and be happy.”
“I’m also starting to think maybe you can’t be happy without being sad sometimes.”
“That’s the other side of joy,” Alison said. “It’s just part of being human. If you’re comfortable, if you’re protected, forever, then I guess it means you don’t love anything enough to be afraid of losing it.”
They finished their meal, and Violet pondered that, all night. Pondered it in her empty bed.
She missed Wolf. She wanted to be with him.
And she was afraid. Afraid of what it might cost. Afraid of getting hurt. But she was more afraid of what a future would look like without him. And she supposed that was where it started. She supposed that was what made the risk worth it.
She supposed that was where love met the edge of fear, and dove off into the abyss of it.
Because the risk became worth it. Because not taking the risk became unthinkable.
And she didn’t know if that brought her an intense amount of joy, or an intense amount of sadness.
And she had a feeling it would be the question she was asking herself a lot from now on.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
SHESPENTTHEnext morning doing puzzles with her brothers, and enjoying the simplicity of the moment. She had plenty of things to worry about, but she was still going to be here through tomorrow, and she was bound and determined to enjoy her time at home, rather than letting Wolf consume all of it. She was also pondering the edge that she felt over her thoughts about him. And wondered how good it would feel to be back in his arms again. If this would make it all the sweeter. But then, she didn’t know if she could handle being with Wolf being any more intense or any more sweet. It was a little bit much already.
“Violet!”
Her dad’s voice had her scrambling up from the floor. “What?”
“I think you have a guest.”
She walked over to where he was standing at the front door and looked out. Wolf’s truck had just pulled into the driveway, and he was getting out.
“Oh,” she said.
And she couldn’t stop herself. She opened the front door and ran out to the driveway. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, and he held her on the hip to steady her. When she stepped away from him, she felt her face flush. Felt her embarrassment. Because she knew her dad had seen that. And that she hadn’t played it cool at all. And she just... She didn’t really care. Not after the discussion with Alison. Not after...
She just wanted totouchhim. All over.
“What are you doing here?”
“Hell,” he said, looking at her like he’d just been hit over the head with a two-by-four. “I guess Sawyer was right.”
“What?”
“Don’t worry about it. I thought... I can stay with my cousins. But I thought I might come and see a little bit of the town at Christmas since it’s something that you love so much.”
She flushed with pleasure. All the way down. “Oh. That is so... Thank you. I... But you don’t have to stay with someone else. You can stay here.”
“Really?”