I forced a smile at my friend. “Thanks, Tobs.”
He was quiet for a minute as he took me in. “You okay? You’ve been off lately. Not as jazzed about what we’re doing.” Color leached from his face. “You’re not thinking of quitting, are you?”
“Not quitting, but I might need to step back a little. I’ve just got a lot going on.”
He eased down on the bench by the half-pipe. “Your mom?”
I used the back of the bench to balance as I started to stretch. “Her and a million other things.”
“Things seemed a little strained with you and Calder this morning.”
Toby had arrived with bagels and coffee when the girls were packing up from our sleepover and had witnessed my awkward handoff with Calder.
I blew out a breath and sat on the floor, taking up another stretch. “It’s complicated.”
“You still love him?”
I stilled but kept my focus on reaching my hands towards my shoe. One night after my falling-out with Calder, I’d had a little too much tequila and spilled my guts to Toby and Jinx. Thankfully, neither of them had mentioned my admission again. Until now.
“There will always be a piece of me that loves him. I’m not someone who can turn something like that off.”
Toby was quiet again for a minute. “You deserve better. Someone who appreciates you for who you are and doesn’t try to force you to be someone you’re not.”
His words hurt. Because a part of that was true. Calder had been the one to give me the gift of finding my freedom, but he had also been the one who tried to take it away. Who’d told me to stop being so reckless. I didn’t know what to do with that juxtaposition.
“I wouldn’t have tried to change you.”
“Toby…” I said his name softly, the single word trailing off at the end. I didn’t know what else to say.
“I know you don’t feel that way about me, and I’m not trying to put pressure on you. I’m happy with Calla. I just want you to know that you deserve someone who loves you for you.”
Toby had made a move on me once. About a year after my friendship with Calder had dissolved. I’d let him down as gently as I could, but it had been awkward between us for a couple of months.
“I’ll find the right person one day. I won’t settle until I do.”
Toby kicked my shoe with his. “That’s what I like to hear.”
My phone rang from its spot on the bench, and I leaned forward to pick it up. Hayes’ name flashed on the screen. “Hey, Bubby.”
“Hey, Hads. I need a favor.”
It had to be important if he wasn’t giving me a hard time for using my childhood nickname for him. “Name it.”
“Can you watch Birdie and Sage tonight?”
“Sure. What time?”
“Can you be there at seven-thirty? I need to take Calder out for a beer.”
I toyed with one of my shoelaces. “Is everything okay?”
“Jackie’s back in town.”
I stiffened, my muscles locking. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“Nope, showed up at his house yesterday.”
Guilt pricked at my skin for giving Calder the cold shoulder this morning. “I’ll be there at seven-thirty. Let me know if he needs anything else, will you?”