It was only one word, but it was all I needed.
Jackie looked up at me, her eyes wide and pleading. “I’m sober, Calder. I have been for a long time. I want to see my daughters, to be in their lives again.”
I noticed she didn’t put a number on her sobriety.A long timeto her could’ve been two weeks.
“You lost your right to see them a long time ago.”
Tears filled Jackie’s eyes. “You’ll never know how sorry I am for what I did. But I’m trying to make it right.”
I had never been able to tell when Jackie’s tears were real or fake. They’d often been a tool in her arsenal to get what she wanted, but right now, they seemed authentic. “The best thing you can do is leave them alone. They’re happy.Safe. Loved. You coming back around will only confuse them. When they’re older, I can give them the option of getting in touch with you. You can give your phone number and email to my lawyer.”
I didn’t even want her contact information. Wanted nothing to do with this woman who had almost cost me everything.
“Calder, please. I don’t want to miss out on their lives.”
“You already have. And that was your choice.”
Jackie’s grip on her purse strap tightened. “Let me prove to you that I’ve changed. I moved back. I’m just staying at the motel for now, but I got a job at the resort, waitressing. I’m saving up for an apartment.”
Hell, no. This wasn’t happening. Wolf Gap was too small. I couldn’t shield the girls from Jackie forever. Eventually, we’d run into her. Worse, they could run into her when they weren’t with me. It could’ve already happened. If she’d secured a job, Jackie had likely been in town for a few weeks, at least.
“Don’t do this. Don’t make their lives harder. Don’t cause them pain.”
Her jaw hardened, that familiar stubborn streak flaring to life. “I know it won’t be easy at first, but it’ll be worth it in the end. I have a right to see my girls.”
“You have no rights. None. You lost them when you sent your car over a cliff and almost killed those girls. Sage barely made it. You pull this, and I’ll do whatever I have to. Get a restraining order and have you arrested. Don’t think I won’t.”
“Calder,” she whispered. “Don’t do this. Think about what we used to have.”
“What we used to have was only a pile of lies.” I’d thought I could love Jackie someday. There were moments I’d almost felt it. But it had never been real, and I wouldn’t expose Birdie and Sage to the same thing. “Leave.”
Jackie turned, laying a folded-up piece of paper on the steps. “That’s my cell phone number. Call me when you’re ready to talk.”
I hoped she didn’t hold her breath because it would be a cold day in hell before I ever called her.
11
Hadley
“All right.I’m ready to rock and roll,” Toby said as he lifted his camera.
I bit back the flicker of annoyance as I adjusted the helmet on my head. I’d wanted a solo skate session today. Just me and the half-pipe I’d had built in the old barn on my property. But Toby had pushed, saying he needed some new content for the channel.
I loved our projects, but sometimes I wanted to ride or skate just for the sheer joy of it, not for likes or comments or sponsorship deals. But Toby and Jinx counted on me. They both had other part-time gigs, but the channel had become more and more a part of their monthly revenue. Since I gave them a percentage of the cut each month, the more videos we put up, the better they did.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. There was no room for these kinds of negative emotions dogging me when I was about to pull tricks. I needed to focus. I had to drown out Toby and the pressure I felt there. Calder and our encounter yesterday. The three missed calls I had on my phone from my mom. All of it had to be silenced.
I found my freedom in those moments of nothingness. In the blissful quiet where I ceased to exist. Weightless and flying.
I opened my eyes and tipped over the edge of the half-pipe. I lost myself in that nothingness and the rush of the wind whipping my face. I didn’t plan my moves, simply executed whatever felt right in the moment. From one to the next, my speed and freedom built until I was truly flying.
I didn’t stop until I was struggling to catch my breath and my muscles ached. I came to a halt on one of the decks and grabbed the bar I’d put in place on the side. My chest heaved as my heart rattled against my ribs.
“Hells, yeah!” Toby called from below.
His voice shook me out of those last tendrils of freedom swirling around me. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from biting his head off. I picked up my skateboard and climbed down the ladder.
“That was badass. Kinda beautiful, too. That sounds goofy, but it was.”