“I can see you’re worried,” Riley said when Candy and the others disappeared. “We’ll give them five minutes and then I’ll take you to observe what’s going on. You can ask me any relevant questions or—”
“Did you need me in this consult?” Another alpha appeared by Riley’s side. He was tall and had green eyes that were all too familiar. He watched my eyes widen and then took a step backwards. “I’m Fen, one of Riley’s mates.”
“You’re not related to the Morrisons too, are you?” I asked weakly.
“No, why?”
“The green eyes?” Riley’s eyes seemed to shine as she stared into Fen’s then back at me. “That’s actually something I’ve never thought to investigate. Betas aren’t born with grass green eyes. I’m wondering…” Fen’s eyebrow raised at that, his lips curving into a smile as she chattered on then stopped. “I’m doing it again, aren’t I?”
“You want to understand everything and it always irks you when there’s an angle you haven’t considered.” Fen said the words in a low, intimate tone, compounding this when he pulled her closer and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “You’ll discover it all, omega, I’ll make sure you will.”
God, right now I felt like I didn’t know where to look, like I was intruding on this moment, this special alpha/omega thing I’d never understand. But where was I supposed to go? I found myself looking around the lobby until Riley pushed Fen away.
“Not at work. You’re making Lily feel really uncomfortable.” She turned back to me and then jerked her head, indicating I should follow her. “Come through and see the bullpen.”
Bullpen?The name didn’t exactly inspire confidence, but I got a sense of why as we approached. A huge room had been built in the office area, the walls almost all made of glass, creating a fishbowl of sorts. Some formally dressed adults were standing outside the room, clipboards in hand. They were conferring with each other, then scribbling down notes until we drew closer. They came over to Riley and were about to be introduced to me when I was drawn in. I pressed my hands to the windows and stared.
Inside, I could see why the place got its name. It was a loud, messy, chaotic space. There were boys, so many boys and my heart went to my throat as I saw my little girl in amongst them, because they were noisy and boisterous. Some were throwing balls into hoops set up on one side of the room, others were gripping game controllers tightly as they played computer games on a big screen. There was a huge crash pit full of foam, trampolines, mats on which boys wrestled, and then there was Evie.
Candy kept a hold of her hand, right up until such point as my daughter threw it off and strode forward. The boys on the couch playing computer games turned around at her approach, then did a double take that had my fingers clawing at the wall. Candy said something, the noise muffled, but they took one look at her and then shuffled over, making a space for Evie on the couch. She settled down amongst the boys just like she had a right to be there, which was so Evie, and that was part of the problem.
I would have been intimidated as hell walking into a room like this at her age. A psychologist we’d seen helped me to understand why. We betas were schooled to adopt the gender rules of our culture. In mine, it was boys were rough and tumble and girls were much more circumspect. To me, Evie had walked right into a space that was masculine only and a weird kind of anxiety roiled in my guts at the sight of her being there.
Interloper, my brain supplied.She’s not supposed to be there. Not safe. Not right. Not…
“We have different therapeutic spaces,” Fen explained in a gentle voice. “This is one suited to our more boisterous boys, or rather, alphas. These kids need room to compete against each other in a way that’s safe and healthy. We work with the kids to ensure everyone’s needs are met and that success and failure are all part of the process.”
“It’s our best replication of what happens in actual pack development,” Riley said. “With Fen and his brothers, they had plenty of opportunity to strive and play and push some boundaries.”
“And if we pushed too far, our dads pushed back,” Fen said, nodding to Blake.
The big alpha approached an altercation that had started by the hoops. He didn’t rush over or shout. Instead, he ambled closer at a leisurely pace I would never have been able to replicate and just stood there. My mouth fell open as the quarrelling boys pulled apart, dropping their hands, their eyes going to the alpha.
“This is what we do,” Fen said with real pride in his voice. “This is what we show the kids. About knowing their strengths and limitations and how to use them responsibly.” He glanced at me then. “We could do the same with your Evie.”
“This is one of the programs we run,” Riley continued. “There are others for kids with different dispositions. Just because you’re an alpha, doesn’t mean you’re in people’s face and brash.” A mental image of Reed flashed up then in my mind. “Different kids have different needs, and we work hard to cater for them. If you agree to be part of our program, we’ll narrow down what Evie needs and develop something tailored to her.”
“Why?” I asked bluntly, not even totally sure what I was asking.
“Ah… because that’s what we do,” Riley said, her eyes flicking to Fen.
“Why…” I let out a sigh then and hated the way tension began to build in my chest and keep on building. “Why are you helping us?” I asked, my voice much sharper than I intended. “Why would you do this for her? Why now?”
“Why weren’t we there when you first realised Evie was different?” Riley continued my line of thinking in a much softer voice. “Where have we been all this time while you’ve been struggling?”
I just stared at Riley then and felt a rush of the most complete hatred that, quite frankly, scared me. She seemed so freaking perfect. A beta who worked out she was an omega and ended up with this pack of alphas so devoted they now spent their time working on her passion projects, helping young alphas. Had she floundered her way throughout her whole adult life, lurching from one drama to the next and never knowing what was going to crop up next? Had she been swamped by the unrelenting tide of reality, then smashed repeatedly into the cliff face of failure, no matter what she did? Had she had to pick herself up and try again, despite the rising sense of hopelessness each time she did, because what other options did she have?
The omega just met my gaze with a quiet equanimity, as if she could see my turmoil and all that she could do was bear silent witness to it. I hated that too, that yet more people had to see me struggle and fail and lose my fucking shit, even if I was keeping it all on the inside.
“Yeah,” I finally croaked out. “That.”
“We find this all the time,” Fen said, stepping closer but not too close. “Cities aren’t set up for alphas. We stick to the small towns because there’s enough space, enough bush, enough bloody hard work to exhaust us, if that’s what we need. Here betas rule and they don’t really know what to do with us. The assumption is we’re just like betas, except we just need more sport or something.”
His lips thinned, then he forced himself to smile.
“We’re trying, Lily, we’re really trying. We send people out every day to try and make more connections, to get the word out, to try and make sure no more kids fall through the cracks…”
It was weird, but the strain in his voice made me feel better. I think I just needed someone else to be fucked off by this process too.