I know exactly what he means. Suddenly, I realize that overthinking it won’t help. Maybe, I should just let go and see where this path will lead. I quickly get up and without a single thought in my mind that might prevent me from acting upon this wish, I wrap my arms around him and press my lips against his. Our chests against each other, I can feel my heartbeat against his. He wasn’t expecting this, but then again, neither was I. I simply let go. His hand finds the back of my neck and his tongue enters through my lips. A flame bursts out from somewhere deep within me, warming me up inside, to the point of boiling. That sweet tingling between my legs wakes up again and I know that if I ever leave this place, I will also leave my all here. Myself. My heart. My virginity.
Chapter 24
The following night, I find myself around the bonfire. We had dinner, then Dex surprised us all with the idea to roast some marshmallows and open up that casket of imported beer they’ve been saving for a special occasion. We all watched him as he prepared the fire area, meticulously, paying attention to every detail, to make sure it was safe. I never thought Dex had it in him. About half an hour later, it was all arranged.
The fire crackles pleasantly, as several sticks lie adjusted over it. The white marshmallows would turn brown quickly, so we need to be quick. I’ve always liked them gooey on the inside, a little burnt on the outside. I wrap myself up with Theron’s blanket, but none of the guys seem to be cold, even though the night isn’t warm. Zarael is sitting to my right, Theron to my left. Dex is opposite me. He’s got a little radio by his side, blasting Billy Idol’s White Wedding. It’s been ages since I heard that song.
The sound of the crickets is barely heard through the fire. The woods are never quiet. It is teeming with life, even when no one is saying anything. I glance at all three men around me and realize that this is where they belong. They are a part of this forest, the nature around them. They know it, they feel it. I wonder if I’d be able to feel it like that as well?
“And then, Theron just falls into the water after the fish, which of course swam away, while he was left to wade through mud and shit that made his hair smell like crab meat for the next month!” Dex finishes his story about Theron’s last fishing trip and why he doesn’t go anymore. We all laugh, good-humoredly. Theron laughs, too.
Dex takes a sip of his beer and stirs the fire a little. A few loose strands of hair fall into his eyes and he just shakes them away. He’s wearing his leather jacket and just a plain white t-shirt underneath. Theron has on a big chunky sweater, one of those old grandpa sweaters, while Zarael only has a shirt. He’s the closest one to the fire.
“What about you and your sister?” Dex suddenly asks. “Who was the good sister and who was the bad?”
“Can’t you tell?” I chuckle. “I’m the good one.”
“You may be the calm one,” Dex corrects me. “Like Theron, over there.” We all look in his direction and Theron stoically endures our curious gazes. “When we were little, he stole gas from our big brothers’ bikes.”
“What?” I laugh. “No way!” I can’t believe that. There’s no way Theron would ever steal anything. Not with those puppy dog eyes.
“Yes way,” Zarael confirms and only now do I see Theron’s mischievous look. “It’s always those shy, calm ones you need to fear the most.”
“I was always labeled as the naughty one and I was OK with that,” Dex explains. “Zarael is the smart ass one.”
“You could have just ended it with the smart one, no need for that second part,” Zarael frowned.
“I stand by what I said,” Dex winks at him and takes another sip from his beer bottle. We all follow suit. “But, Theron… he’s always been the most difficult one to deduce. You know, like a chameleon.” We all laugh again. “Wherever you throw him, he can just adapt, like that.”
“I never got that impression about you,” I tell Theron, as he smiles at me warmly.
“That was before,” he tries to wash himself of this, but it won’t be that easy. “When we were kids. It’s different now.”
“How is it different?” Dex asks. “Now, it’s all about those books you read. I mean, man, you’re soaking those books up like a sponge soaks up water. You read a medical book, you become a doctor. You read a psychology book, you become a psychologist. You read a book about cars, you’re a fucking mechanic. I mean, seriously! That’s the most awesome thing I’ve ever seen.” Dex raises his beer bottle as high up as he can lift his arm. “To my brothers. My partners. My lifeline. My heart beats to the same sound as yours.”
At that moment, Theron and Zarael lift their bottles, too and I do the same. A few meaningful glances are exchanged, before we all take a big gulp. I already feel dizzy, but it’s the good kind of dizzy. It’s that safety net that will catch you in the morning, by offering you the best excuse if you catch yourself doing something you’re not supposed to be doing. And tonight, seems to be the perfect night for that. The mere thought of my most inner wishes coming true tonight makes me shiver.
“Are you cold?” Zarael asks me, huddling closer. I feel his arm around my shoulder and I leave it there.
“We could go inside,” Theron suggests, but no one likes that idea. Not even himself. So, we all just shake our heads.
“I know what would warm us up,” Dex suddenly has an idea. “Truth or dare.”
“Truth or dare?” I burst out into laughter. “I haven’t played that since high school.”
?
??Nothing better to get your blood pumping than some embarrassing secrets coming out into the open,” Dex grins.
“I’m go if you guys are,” I feel a rush of adrenaline. I’ll show them mine, if they show me theirs. The thought makes me blush, but it’s too dark to see.
“Zar?” Dex asks him next and Zarael just nods, with a strangely mischievous look on his face. “Theron?”
“Sure,” Theron shrugs his shoulders, taking another sip. His hair is unusually disheveled and he’s pulled it back into a loose bun. The fire crackles softly, even softer than before now, as if it knows that secrets are about to surface.
“OK, ladies first,” Dex says and all eyes are on me.
Emboldened by a sudden rush of alcohol to my brain, I know I’m totally letting go tonight. I don’t want to return home in a week or so and regret not acting upon my wishes. It scares me, but it thrills me at the same time.