‘Well, that’s settled, then.’ Liz picked up the basket off the floor. ‘I brought you a meal and a teddy bear Jack used to have as a baby. I hope you don’t mind? I washed it and sewed on new eyes.’
‘Of course I don’t mind,’ Harper said. ‘What a lovely thing to do.’
Liz handed her a tattered old teddy bear with only one ear. ‘I’m afraid our dog Chester chewed off poor Ted’s ear when he was a puppy. But I couldn’t bring myself to throw him away.’ She gave a self-effacing grimace and added, ‘I’m a bit sentimental that way.’
Harper held the old bear against her chest. ‘There’s nothing wrong with being sentimental.’
‘Well, then, I’d better leave you in peace...’
‘Why don’t you stay and share the meal with me?’ Harper said.
‘Are you sure?’
‘Of course, but if you could mind Marli while I have a quick shower first, I’d be so grateful.’
Liz beamed. ‘I would be thrilled to do that.’
Jack finally solved the problem at his Brussels hotel and was at the airport when his flight was delayed by a couple of hours. He cursed himself for not using a private jet but he was trying to do his bit for the environment. He hated killing time, especially now as he was desperate to get back to see his baby girl.
And equally desperate to see Harper.
Only the day before he had stumbled across an olde-worlde toy shop and happened to come across a teddy bear that played the lullaby Harper had mentioned was played by the teddy she had lost in foster care. He wasn’t sure why he was buying it for her rather than for Marli. It was kind of like the London house—it seemed the right thing to do. Her childhood had been so lonely and miserable and he had hoped to make her life with him more than make up for the heartache she had experienced growing up. But he was unable to do that now because she’d refused to accept his offer of marriage.
Jack decided waiting around a crowded airport where all he could see was couples and young families was a form of torture. He’d never used to notice kids in prams or babies in front carrier pouches when he was in transit before, but now they were everywhere he looked, striking a deep pang in his heart. And then there were the loved-up couples walking around hand in hand, or greeting each other with deep affection. There was even an older couple who were walking along arm in arm, the old man making sure his frail wife didn’t trip on luggage as they made their way along the line to the check-in counter.
Jack hadn’t been able to stop thinking about his conversation with his mother a few days ago. Love had always seemed to him a terribly painful exercise, one he didn’t want any part of. There were too many sacrifices to make, too much freedom to be lost, too much distress if the love wasn’t returned or was blighted by illness as in his father’s case. The dementia component of his father’s Parkinson’s Disease had taken away the man Jack’s mother had loved, and yet she had willingly kept loving him and nursing him till his death. Shestillloved him.
What would it be like to be loved like that?
To be loved so deeply you always knew the person had your back? You always could rely on them to want the best for you. That nothing would destroy the commitment they had made to you.
Jack glanced back at the older couple who had now checked in and were walking towards the security checkpoint. The old woman smiled at her husband and the old man smiled back. Their faces were lined with age and their bodies not anywhere near as vital as they had probably once been, but the love they had for each other was there for all to see. A love that would get them through the winter years of their marriage and beyond...beyond to the scary unknown.
Jack realised then that, no matter who you loved, there was a risk you would lose them one day. Age, illness, tragedy—there was no way of escaping the pain of loss unless you didn’t love in the first place. But what sort of life would that be?
Your life.
The words dropped into his head and he couldn’t get them out. He had resisted feeling the way that old couple felt for each other. He had resisted feeling what those young couples felt as they walked hand in hand. He had resisted feeling what his mother felt for his father.
He had resisted his true self, his true nature. He had shut it down, locked it away so he could keep himself safe. But Harper’s coming into his life had changed everything. From their first night together something had shifted in him but he had refused to face it until now.
He was in love with her.
Deeply in love for the first time in his life. That was why it had terrified him so much, that was why he had stubbornly refused to acknowledge it. Harper had told him she loved him and yet he hadn’t told her he loved her back. He hadn’t said those words to anyone in his life. Not to his father or his mother. And to his eternal shame, not even to his baby girl. What sort of man did that make him? A scared man. A man running from fear. Fear of loss, fear of being hurt, fear of experiencing emotional pain.
But that was about to change.
If only he could get on a damn flight back to London.
Harper was working on an advertisement at her flat for an assistant to help her with her workload. Liz Livingstone had suggested it over dinner the other night and she had finally decided it was the best way forward. Liz was still going to babysit but it would mean Harper wouldn’t be too overwhelmed with the pressure of work when she finally got home each day. It was a matter of balance, something Liz had encouraged her to aim for instead of being so all-or-nothing as Liz herself had once been. Harper was enjoying the new-found friendship with Jack’s mother, not only because it gave her an insight into Jack and his family life, but also because Liz was becoming like a mother figure to her. Liz was warm and supportive towards Harper and she absolutely adored Marli and loved being a grandmother. And interestingly, Marli had stopped being so unsettled and fractious and seemed to enjoy being cuddled by her grandmother. And as a result, Harper had found it easier to relax as a mother, not trying too hard to do everything perfectly but allowing that some days were better than others and just enjoying each moment for what it was.
The doorbell rang just as Harper was thinking about going to bed. She checked the security camera and saw Jack standing there looking a little travel worn. He was carrying a toy shop bag in one hand. She ignored the leap of her heart, the race of her pulse, the rise of her hopes. He was coming to visit his baby girl, not her.
Harper opened the door and stepped back, barely able to look at him without wanting to throw herself into his arms. ‘It’s late. Couldn’t you have waited until morning to drop by to see Marli? I’ve not long put her down.’ She wasn’t proud of the resentful note in her tone but she didn’t want to seem too eager to see him. Let him think she was over him. That her love for him had withered and died for lack of encouragement.
Jack stepped over the threshold and closed the door. ‘No, it couldn’t wait. I had to see you as soon as possible.’
‘Me? Why me?’