She frowned at me as she stopped in front of me, inspecting my face. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, Mom.” I didn’t look at her, instead focusing my attention on Declan, tickling his stomach.
My mother didn’t look convinced, but Swiss yelled, “Countess, where are we putting the burgers?” from across the patio, temporarily distracting her.
“He says he can do anything, yet when it comes to finding a place to put a plate of burgers, he’s helpless,” she scowled. “Can you take him?” she asked, not waiting for me to answer before handing me Declan.
I took him gratefully, thankful for Swiss’s intervention and for my baby brother’s existence.
“Happy birthday, sweet boy!” I cooed, lifting up my little brother, kissing his chubby check and reveling in his squeal of delight.
Declan Carter was simply the cutest baby on planet Earth. He was thoroughly adored by his parents, by his big sister, his grandparents and everyone in the Sons of Templar. He was curious, cheeky and always smiling.
He brought a light to our lives that I was constantly grateful for. And he potentially may have a … niece or nephew who was less than two years younger than him.
If I was brave enough to move forward with the life I’d secretly wanted since the second Elden and I became Elden and I.
But holding my brother, basking in the sun of the garden my mother had curated and turned into a paradise, I couldn’t even entertain the thought of repeating that process.
Having the abortion had been best choice for me.
Theonlychoice for me at that time.
I didn’t feel any regret, any guilt because it was not created from love. It was a result of deception. A product of a terrible moment in my life, and had I not made that decision, one that would’ve defined me in ways I didn’t want to be defined.
Those were my reasons for making that choice. Every woman had her own reason that had nothing to do with anyone else.
But I had no reason to make that choice now. Not when we had created something out of love. Even if our situation was complicated beyond words. Even if it would take my life in a direction I couldn’t even fathom, it was ours.
Suddenly, I was going to burst into tears.
It didn’t help that Elden had entered the party and was staring at me from across the patio.
Fuck.
“Can you take him for a second?” I asked Macy, who was thankfully nearby.
“Sure, sweetie,” she frowned, taking Declan from me. “Are you okay?”
But I was already halfway inside by the time she finished speaking.
I’d been planning on locking myself in a bathroom, getting myself together—without the aid of tequila, which would’ve been really great right about then—and going back to celebrate my brother, pushing my problems away for the day, at least.
But Elden wasn’t going to let me do that.
He snatched my wrist just as I walked into the kitchen.
“What’s wrong?” His eyes were glittering with fury, and something else when I faced him.
My eyes bugged out as I scanned the kitchen. Luckily, no one was in there, and from our spot slightly off to the side, no one outside could see us either.
“What’swrong?” I repeated. “I’m pregnant, and you’re not freaked out about it. Which I guess makes sense because it’s not you who has to make all the choices. Who has to decide whether to drop out of college or have the baby—”
He yanked me closer. “You’re not dropping out of college, and you’re definitely having this baby.”
“It’syourchoice, is it?” I ripped myself from his grasp. “You’re going to force me to have the baby?”
I didn’t even know why I was saying that. I was having the baby. That had already been decided. But the way he’d said that, as if I didn’t have a choice in the matter triggered me. I wondered if this was how my mother felt twenty years ago. Except then she had been younger, more scared, without any other choices, without a voice of her own.