“Um, because of all the things that made you not want to touch me in the first place,” I splayed my palms, my voice shaky. I felt unstable under the weight of a gaze I’d never seen from Elden before. “The age difference, my stepfather, all your thoughts about being too good for me, about me deserving a life bigger than this … different.” I listed them off on my fingers. My hand was still shaking.
“Baby, I knew what I was doin’ the second I fucked you raw,” he told me, eyes never leaving mine, his hand taking my shaking one and lifting it to his lips.
“What does that mean?”
“It means that I was there the night you had to deal with the consequences of a man bein’ selfish with his pleasure, not caring about the consequences.” His fury seeped into the air. “I would never let you go through that shit again,” he vowed. “I would never have taken you raw unless I was ready for this moment right here.”
I digested what he was saying. “So you …expectedme to get pregnant?” I deduced, blindsided.
“Well, up until recently, we’d been fuckin’ every chance we got,” he shrugged. “Figured it would happen sometime.”
“Okay, I must’ve ventured into a parallel universe.” I ripped my hand out of his grasp. “Because the Elden I knew wanted to keep us a secret under the pain of death because of all of the blood and violence that would erupt if someone, namely Swiss, found out we were fucking.”
He cracked his neck. “It was never just fucking with us, and you know that.”
“I know that,” I thrust my hands through my hair. “But there’s a big difference between you admitting that and putting a baby in me. For so long, you’ve been convinced that you need to do the good thing, push me away, let me live life without you or whatever the fuck. How did everything change so quickly, without me knowing?”
“You knew,” he replied evenly. “You’re smart, Violet. Don’t pretend you’re not. Don’t pretend you didn’t know exactly what you were doing the second you asked me to take you raw.”
He was forcing me to face the thing I’d been hiding from. Because he was right.Iwas the one who’d told him not to use a condom.Iwas the one who wasn’t on birth control.Iwas the one who had ‘forgotten’ to track my cycle.
It was all me.
On some level, not that deep down, I’d known this was going to happen. Fuck, on some level, I’dwantedthis to happen so the truth would be shoved to the surface. So we’d have to tell everyone. So no one could hurt Elden. He was the father of my baby now. He was not just the older man who took advantage of a member’s stepdaughter.
That and I wanted this for Elden. For me.
Even though I’d droned on to anyone who would listen that I wouldn’t exist just to be a mother, a housewife... That I had a different life in store for myself.
Yet here I was.
“I can’t talk to you right now.” I pushed him away so I could stand up. I felt vaguely sick and mad at myself, yet happiness crept up from somewhere deep. Peace threatened to settle at the possibility of getting everything I wanted. A family. A life with Elden. But I pushed it away. Because I was too fucked-up. Scared. Whatever.
“You sure as fuck aren’t leaving right now,” Elden bit out, moving to stand between me and the door.
I put my hand on my hip. “It is my little brother’s first birthday,” I huffed in frustration. “What are you going to do, stop me bodily?”
Elden flexed his fists at his sides, and his eyes flared with fury, but he didn’t do anything. He wasn’t going to physically force me to stay there, though I could see him battling with it.
So I used that moment to push past him and walked purposefully out of the clubhouse.
ChapterSeventeen
I’d pulledmyself together enough so no one noticed what a mess I was at the party. I’d changed out of my sweater because the sun was shining, making it unseasonably warm for the time of year. I chose a white sundress, putting a light cardigan on top. My face was still too pale, my eyes a little red from the tears I’d let escape, but it was easy to miss.
The party itself was lovely chaos, all of the Sons of Templar children running around, laughing, screaming and causing trouble.
Men in cuts were scattered everywhere, my stepfather at the barbeque with Hansen and Hades.
Freya was sitting by the pool wearing a gingham bathing suit and heart shaped glasses. Hades was not even pretending to be grilling, staring directly at her.
Macy was wiping food off one of the boy’s faces.
Caroline was sitting on her husband’s lap.
Music poured from the speakers, the desert yawning from beyond my mother’s garden.
“Violet!” my mother greeted, Declan on her hip. “Where have you been?”