I tried my best to quiet that voice as we climbed into bed, and he immediately yanked me to his chest.
It was probably much too risky for us to be sleeping together at the club. My mother knew, yes. Swiss did not. And he was apt to notice that I was not at his home in my bedroom.
Sure, I’d been at the club plenty during my visits. Partying, hanging out with my friends here. Sleeping with Elden. Or more accurately, slipping off to fuck in his room when everyone was too drunk to notice.
But I’d never slept over.
Elden held me tighter to his chest after I spoke. “Why in the fuck would I be pushing you away?”
“My mom’s little speech today.” I toyed with the comforter. “Everything she said about the club, brotherhood.”
Elden stiffened for just a moment, then he moved so he was on top of me, bracing himself on the bed so he was hovering.
He trailed a finger down my cheek. “Not anything I haven’t thought a million times over since the beginning.”
“I guess,” I sighed. “But was it different hearing it out loud, knowing there’s no escape from that now? Not knowing what will happen with the club?”
“Nope,” he continued caressing my face. “Swiss is my brother,” he agreed. “And yeah, if I’d just fucked you, treated you like some club girl and nothing else, he’d be entitled to put a bullet in my brain.”
My stomach dropped at the mere thought.
“But,” he continued. “I knew that if I was going to touch you, it was never going to be a fuck. Knew that from the very beginning. And now you’re carrying my baby. Now you’re my woman.” His finger went to my lips just as I parted them to argue. “And I know that you’ve got a lot of ideas about what that means. And fuck, maybe those ideas are right for your generation. Or with a different man. In a different club. But to me, it means something. And my words aren’t meant to make you feel smaller, make you feel like you’re not your own. You’re just mine too. And, baby, before you talk about equality, I’m yours too.”
Although I did want to argue, I couldn’t. Not really.
“I don’t know what I want yet,” I admitted. “With us.”
“Don’t recall asking you to make any decisions,” he leaned down to place a soft kiss against my lips. “But I’ll tell you one thing, I’m gonna be sleeping next to my woman. However the fuck we work that out, I’ll be doing it. And I’m not sneaking around. I’ll talk to Swiss first thing tomorrow.”
All of those squishy feelings disappeared, replaced with panic. “You should let me do it,” I said quickly. “Or my mom. He’s not going to hurt either of us.”
Elden’s brows furrowed. “Not gonna hide behind you or your mother, Violet. And I’ve already disrespected him enough by not going to him the second I knew you were it. Gonna do the respectable thing. The honorable thing.”
“When did you know I was yours?” I asked. That was not the portion of the conversation I should’ve been latching onto. I should’ve been trying to convince Elden to abandon his stupid bro code and just let the women handle it. But I knew that would be fighting a losing battle.
“The second you asked me to kiss you on the rooftop.”
Before I could even process what was happening, tears were spilling down my cheeks.
He wiped them away as they escaped without my consent.
“It’s the hormones,” I blubbered.
“Baby, you didn’t shed a single tear, not one since you had your life turned upside down two years ago,” Elden said gently, not knowing about the breakdown in the closet. “And crying doesn’t make you weak.”
I scowled at him. “Well how come I’ve never seen you cry?”
“WatchUpwith me, I’ll cry on command,” he smiled down at me.
I gasped. “I don’t even know where to start with that… you willingly watched an animated movie to begin with orthat’swhat makes you cry.”
His eyes twinkled. “Well, you’ve got a lifetime to discover that, and more.”
“A lifetime?” my breathing quickened.
His expression turned serious. “Violet, I would not have taken you raw, would not have fucked you, if I didn’t intend on being the only man doin’ that for the rest of your life.”
More tears wet my cheeks.