"What are you looking at?"Lilly questions, amused.
I turn as if I didn't follow Denielle's every move as she walked her brother and his girlfriend to their car and saw them off.
"Oliver left." I keep my tone neutral.
"I'm sorry I didn't give you a heads-up yesterday. I totally spaced out." She hollows her cheeks.
Her concern for my well-being always gives me a sense of belonging. Lilly and Rhys are not my family, but they are. Which is also why I hate that she has been put in this conflicting position between her best friend and me.
"It's fine. I guess having Keller here on the regular has desensitized me," I play it down.
Lilly crosses her arms over her chest, pursing her lips at me disapprovingly. She sits behind her desk, surrounded by her gazillion monitors. "Marcus, Denielle has no fault in McKenna's accident or the blood vessel bursting in her brain."
My heart squeezes, and I pause midstep. While I know Lilly is aware of my past and my sister's accident, we've never openly addressed it. I don't address the topic, period. Adrenaline shoots through every cell, and I root myself in place, fighting against the flight instinct spreading through me. I have the sudden urge to call King. With everything going on this past week, I've missed two calls, and her texts have gotten gradually pissier. She is my best friend, but if I can't admit the change between Keller and me to myself, how can I bring her into it? I do what I do best: avoid and ignore. She's going to stab me with her favorite toy next time we see each other for that.
Instead of aiming for the door, I continue toward the two chairs opposite Lilly's desk, dropping into one and crossing my ankle over my knee. I focus on my breathing, calming the thrashing in my veins. I came in here to talk about the shift changes George and I discussed, not have a fucking therapy session.
"I am aware that she did not cause McKenna's accident or the aneurysm." I'm not arguing the belief that has me kept going for two decades. If Victor Keller hadn't left—
"Did you know that Den watched her mother drown?" Lilly catches me off guard.
Drown?
Images of Denielle gliding into the pool at the vineyard flash in front of me. The amount of time she stayed underwater before she resurfaced. Her face when she did. It was…blank. A shell.
"No, I was not aware of that." My tone is the opposite of what is happening inside of me. I had managed to calm my pulse until Lilly dropped that bomb. As if my unwelcome liking for her wasn't already enough.
"It's not my place to tell—"
"Then why did you start?" I cut her off.
Lilly jumps at my sudden outburst. I don't want to direct my anger toward her, but she's the only one here. She brought it up.
"I…I don't know." She sighs. "Denielle is my best friend. I worry about her."
I narrow my eyes. "Worry how?" Don't they share everything with each other?
"Something is off." She chews on her lower lip. "Has been for a long time, but with her in New York, I didn't realize how much."
I remain mute. This conversation is more for Lilly than it is to set me straight.
"The whole secret engagement with Collin. It's not like her. After Charlie… She didn't let anyone in. She didn't talk about it, but he hurt her to the point that we—Wes, Rhys, and I—were worried she would never date again. She told me she was dating, but why would she get engaged to him? He's…"
"A douche?" I supply helpfully, a sheen of green settling in front of my eyes. I blink, and it disappears as fast as it came. I'm not capable of the emotion the color represents.
Lilly smirks. "That's an accurate description, I guess." She stares out the window, tapping her finger to her chin. "She is hiding something. Something she doesn't want me to know. And it scares me." Her eyes swivel back to me. "Oli knew how to, uh…handle her, which means it's been going on for a long time."
"What do you mean?"
"He tried to hug her, and she was freaking out. She…"
"Acted like a cornered animal?" The scene with Liberman in front of the house replaces the memory of the vineyard.
"Yes!" She sits up straight. "How do you…?"
"I've been around enough people with PTSD. She probably never processed what happened with her mother." I almost tell Lilly about the incident with Liberman, but at the last moment decide to change gears. If Denielle hasn't told Lilly herself, there is a reason for it. A switch inside of me flips.
Why do I care if I reveal her secret?